Chris Coghlan wanted that plate more than anything you wanted in your entire life. Coghlan going Superman and other things that made baseball fun this week.
It’s the last week of April and baseball is still pretty fun for most teams. Toronto has come to grips that the Maple Leafs aren’t winning the Stanley Cup again. It’s easier with only six teams going for it anyway. The Blue Jays may be bad, but they did a good thing this week. Also, the NBA’s dinosaurs are going deer hunting and getting ready to lose to LeBron James in two weeks time.
The Blue Jays are kind of thinking about getting better, so that’s cool. Realistically, the only team having zero fun in late April is the San Francisco Giants. Madison Bumgarner kind of went all Hot Rod the other and this is what happened. Hickory did not have time to reinforce that takeoff ramp for their most favorite Bumgarner. It’s an odd year, so Giants weren’t making the NL Postseason anyway.
If the season ended today, we’d be looking at a Beltway Series in the May World Series. Expect President Trump to hit the links instead of throwing out the first pitch. What’s Frank Underwood‘s availability? He can bring the heat like W in the pre-game. If the first pitch doesn’t go over well, just sit back and watch Dusty Baker do his thing and mismanage big games and watch the Nationals collapse like a House of Cards.
No reason to bore you any longer like a Clayton Kershaw/Mike Trout Subway commercial. Here’s your pictures and some stuff to click on as I try to make baseball fun this week for you.
Chris Coghlan went crazy, so you must call him Superman
Turns out the best way to stop the Blue Jays’ slide is to not slide. How do we know this? Because Chris Coghlan believes that if you are going to leave your feet, you might as well be Superman. Coghlan gave Clark Kent something to write about for the Daily Planet with this ridiculous feat of athleticism. He jumped over St. Louis Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina like he was a gross of Krystals in a park somewhere.
Coghlan was safe and a dumbfounded Molina couldn’t believe. Had this have been on the silver screen, it would have been a top-three Matthew McConaughey performance. Coghlan didn’t need Angels to make something good happen on the diamond. Basically, it’s Dallas Buyers Club, this and Dazed and Confused.
Alright, alright, alright maybe it’s not as iconic as David Wooderson, but it would be cool if it was. Do expect to see Coghlan at the ESPYs in July so he can win Play of the Year. Maybe his doppelgänger will maybe give him a Lincoln or something in Los Angeles? Failure to Launch was pretty good, but this leap was better.
Eric Thames is the master of body fluid…and home runs
Easily the best story in the MLB so far has been the Raw Power of Eric Thames. It’s like Prince Fielder never left Milwaukee. While his MLB career unfortunately came to an end last season due to a neck injury, Thames’ is on the rise.
It’s been over an Olympiad since Thames last played in America. He was hitting moonshots in Korea and reinventing himself as a ball player. Thames came back stateside to see if he can take his learnings from the Far East and bring them back to America’s heartland.
Some people have questioned how clean Thames is? Well, Thames is cleaner than the River Thames and he’s embracing tests more than Reuben Foster or Jeff Spicoli ever did. That swing of Thames’ is very fluid. He’s not backing down from the amount of fluid he’s got inside of him. No way. Keep hitting the cover off the ball, son! You’re awesome.
Does Carlos Martinez also play college hoops?
We learned something this week. Not only is Carlos Martinez the St. Louis Cardinals’ ace pitcher, he also made it to the Final Four in Phoenix this year. He has secretly being playing for Dana Altman’s Oregon Ducks the entire time.
How do we know this? Martinez straight up took Altman’s first Final Four net and has been wearing on the baseball diamond ever since. Former two-sport athlete at Auburn University and Baseball Hall of Famer Frank Thomas tried to put the Big Hurt on Martinez’s net-like ‘do.
St. Louis may again miss the NL Postseason. However, Oregon looks pretty good in the Pac-12 next year. Once the Cardinals get eliminated from the playoff contention, expect Martinez to get back in line for Altman’s three-man weave up in Eugene. The hair game is definitely on point for this Cardinals point guard. Birds of a feather flock together flock together apparently.
The Park at Wrigley looks like what it looks like
Just because you won the World Series doesn’t you gotta stop doing your homework, Cubs. The Park at Wrigley was a good idea on paper, but did you even look at the paper? Aerial views of The Park at Wrigley leaves nothing to the imagination.
NASA called and they want their rocket ship back. Y’all could have outsourced the design to Elon Musk at Tesla and he could have done a better job than John Madden on a telestrator. When you win the World Series, you can do a better job than letting your 10-year-old mess around on Microsoft Paint.
Next: One prospect each MLB team should call up
Where are the boosters and is this thing going to even cut through win. I think it’s going to be a long, long time before the space people from other planets start to take us seriously. Theo Epstein may have used rocket science to make the Cubbies champions, but this park was just better off being a giant pit anyway.