Everybody is Working For the Weekend, especially Matt Harvey. He took a day off randomly without telling anybody. That and what made baseball fun this week.
This column isn’t about me. It is about making baseball fun every week through pictures, YouTube videos and random pop culture references that just come to the fore. That being said, baseball needs my level of expertise to have a better understanding of the nuances of the Matt Harvey truancy.
Given that my surname is pronounced the same way as that 1986 John Hughes movie set in Chicago starring Sarah Jessica Parker’s husband, I know a few things about learning outside of the classroom one beautiful spring afternoon. Oh, yeah!
At the University of Georgia, I probably majored in the philosophical field of leisure studies. While my friends were counting things on North Campus or science-ing on South Campus, I did my best learning on Milledge Avenue during the day and down on Clayton Street during the night.
It wasn’t easy, but I did graduate with Arthur Blank that one time. LeBron James takes days off and that College Dropout Kanye basically rapped about me leisure studying and cultivating mass through the Wade Boggs diet in that Drake song.
Boggs is the most under appreciated baseball superstar of all-time. I teared up when I saw his plaque in Cooperstown back in 2011. If I was Rob Manfred, the first order of business is to retire Boggs’ jersey throughout the league like Wayne Gretzky and somebody else I’m clearly forgetting.
The point is if Harvey has to take a day off and not tell anybody, so what. You can skip the occasional final and still graduate with Atlanta’s Batman. Never forget, Harvey is still the Dark Knight. He can still be Gotham’s hero, but he has to get out of that Tunisian-ish hole he’s currently found himself in. Like David Lee Roth said, “Jump is a verb.” Just do it, Harvey, but don’t get a Dent in your head. Keep making baseball fun, man.
#Broken Matt Harvey’s Day Off
Girls don’t like boys. Girls like cars, money and New England Patriots. Sorry, Matty, but you might as well be Darrelle Revis’ burnt toast to Julian Edelman. You might have been that ace that one time for the Mets, but some dude from Florida that doesn’t know what a comb is, some guy that’s into comics apparently and the world’s best 280-pounder did usurp you on the New York rotation hierarchy.
If you have to go all Ray Stussy and not show up to one of the biggest days of your life, that’s fine. Keep taking you days if you need them. Love Stinks, but not as bad as your baseball team. When you’re only four games better than the Braves, Get. It. Together. Not to get her. Together.
Gotham is in love with some Judge across town. If you have to leave Gotham to find yourself, do it. Danke Schoen for all that you’ve done with the Mets. If your days in Gotham are numbered, Bruce, thanks for that All-Star Game start in 2013. You did good, kid.
San Francisco Giants are Hitchin’ a Ride
When you’re only one win better than the Braves in the National League, you might be having yourself a bad time. The San Francisco Giants bus’ French fried when it should have pizza-ed and they had a bad time on the way to the airport.
The Giants resorted to Hitchin’ a Ride from ESPN because it’s hard to walk a lonely road on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams that is quickly becoming their 2017 season. It’s hard to be on to Cincinnati, when you just got swept by Cincinnati and your Giant baseball is a small Walking Contradiction in the NL West cellar.
Then again, this is an odd year and the Giants don’t do odd years, which is pretty odd. Who knows how long the Giants were Waiting to be picked up along the side of the road? Probably long enough for Billie Joe, Mike and Tre to drive by in a convertible laughing because their A’s fans.
Don Mattingly doesn’t believe in The Simpsons
“Homer at the Bat” might be the greatest episode in the history of The Simpsons. A good reason for it was because Donnie Baseball cameoed in it. If you grew up playing first base in the 1990s like yours truly, you worshiped Don Mattingly.
While growing mustaches as glorious as Mattingly’s as close to impossible for any grade-schooler in the 1990s, we all had the sideburns to pay tribute to the 1985 AL MVP to go with our bowl/buzzcuts.
Apparently, Mattingly has never seen The Simpsons episode he has been characterized in. Like Jalen Rose, he “keeps gettin’ dem checks” but never cashes them. At 87 cents a pop, he will need at least 123,456,789 years worth of royalties checks to even think about buying the Miami Marlins from his soon-to-be owner Derek Jeter. Little does become big over time, as long as you cash them checks.
You can never have too many Justin Verlanders
Though he might be past his prime as a starting pitcher, it’s been a pretty good life for Detroit Tigers starter Justin Verlander. He’s made six All-Star Games, won a Cy Young and AL MVP. Though a World Series title has evaded him, he is engaged to Kate Upton.
Basically, a lot of dudes would want to be Verlander. Apparently there are guys that like to go to Tigers games that bare an eerily resemblance to the Tigers right-hander. Does Kate know about this?
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Verlandet will end up winning over 200 games in his career, strike out over 3,000 batters and maybe win a World Series or two in addition to marrying Upton. While random dudes in Detroit can look like Verlander in the Comerica Park bleachers, can they bring the heat? Debatable, but probably not.