What each NBA coach would be doing if he wasn’t an NBA coach
By John Buhler
David Fizdale: Data analyst skeptic for three of the Big Four accounting firms
When David Fizdale walks into your Office Space, watch out. He is the type of data consultant that even the Bobs are afraid of. Nobody asks Fizdale, “What do you do here?” because that’s a clown question, bro. He is the consultant of consultants.
Fizdale is privately contracted by three of the four Big Four accounting firms (more on that in a bit) to over-analyze all the ‘data’ that his inferiors collected before him. He is in charge of finding all the holes in other consultants’ work. Fizdale is so good at his job that a Big Four accounting firm usually ends up canning one of the consultants Fizdale cleans up from.
His catchphrase of “Take that for data!” lets the entire office know that he found something that consultants before him clearly missed. Fizdale continues to have a healthy working relationship with Deloitte & Touche, Ernst & Young and KPMG, but not PricewaterhouseCoopers. He no longer takes freelance opportunities from PwC and here’s why.
Fizdale was brought in to help with the accounting efforts for the 2017 Academy Awards. It was a super-serious event for Fizdale, as he had always dreamed about counting all the votes at the Oscars. He was the first person to point out the La La Land fiasco. Fizdale banged his fist on the table that Moonlight was the winner, but the seasoned PwC accountants ‘rooked’ him.
He was so furious that he called up a sports book in Las Vegas to put five on Moonlight to win Best Picture. When he arrived in Las Vegas a few hours later, he collected his winnings and took that for data.
Though he doesn’t need to work another day in his life, Fizdale is trying his hand in television. He has the frames, the suits and the business mind to be the next great shark on Shark Tank. Fizdale doesn’t plan to invest in anybody else’s dumb idea. He’s choosing to be Shark Tank to point out all the faults in their idiot business models. ABC is just glad he’s good on camera.