What each NBA coach would be doing if he wasn’t an NBA coach
By John Buhler
Jeff Hornacek: Square dancing instructor who is forced to use The Triangle
It might take two to tango, but it only takes Jeff Hornacek to learn how to be the best square dancer this side of the Mississippi. Hornacek discovered his love for square dancing in middle school P.E. He may have had other aspirations athletically as a kid, but square dancing was his calling.
Hornacek is a 16-time World Square Dancing Champion. Whether it’s your neighborhood Elks Lodge or Kiwanis International chapter, Hornacek can be found across this great country of ours teaching folks the Texas Two-Step, the Do-Si-Do or other nifty dance moves.
Hornacek further supplements his income by hosting bingo night at an apartment complex for active seniors and as the understudy deejay for proms or homecoming dances. He is basically the Michael Flatley of square dancing. Hornacek draws inspiration from Flatley, as he semi-stole his nickname The Lord of the Square Dance in the process.
Overall, Hornacek is not for everybody, but he does have respect in the most niche of markets. Square dancers love him, the active seniors tolerate him on bingo night, and the brats on prom absolutely hate his music selection. That’s why he’s an understudy deejay.
There is one guy that seems to get under Hornacek’s skin the most. His name is “Phil”. He teaches things at the local high school and falls asleep during bingo night, especially when he has a winning card. Phil will argue with Hornacek that he should win every round of bingo because it’s a skill game.
Hornacek deals with it, but cannot understand for the life of him why Phil shows up to square dancing competitions demanding that he run something called The Triangle. Phil refutes the notion that he’s barking for a waltz in between slumbers. Hornacek has never once thought about waltzing a day in his life. Phil thinks it’s the best way to win, and he proudly wears his 13 decoder rings everywhere he goes.