What each NBA coach would be doing if he wasn’t an NBA coach
By John Buhler
Steve Kerr: Retired CIA operative/”florist” (back problems)
Everybody likes Steve Kerr, certainly more than that Ray Romano guy on television. He’s not as glorious as he once was, but he was the best “florist” in the Tri-State Area for about 15 years. Not really. The guy couldn’t tell the difference between a tulip and a daisy. However, Kerr wasn’t really a florist.
Only The Circle of Trust and the Wilson Brother with the twice-broken nose knew that Kerr was secretly a secret agent man. Out of Arizona, Kerr took a job with the CIA doing all the things that Stan Smith couldn’t do. Operation Ko Samui was a piece of cake for Kerr. Hotels.com stood no chance.
After jumping out of more airplanes than D.B. Cooper, Kerr had to abruptly retire from working in the field for the CIA mid-season due to back problems. It was a shame, as he was the best sharp-shooter not named Floyd Lawton stateside.
It hasn’t been all that bad though. Kerr recently sold his flower shop front to some Englishman who wears secondhand ties named V.M. Varga. Together, they’re going to be billionaires, or that’s the plan that Varga fella has in place.
Closing up shop has allowed Kerr to bestow his knowledge to all members of his family. His cat is toilet trained and his grandson Steven, who is named after him, is definitely going to be a genius. While the new son-in-law to-be from Detroit seems like a real piece of work, retirement is going pretty, pretty, pretty good for Kerr.
All of his daughters have successfully married into families that are well-versed in medical fields. When he’s not hanging out with his family, Kerr does like destroy opponents with The Death Lineup in a healthy game of on-line Risk.