WWE RAW Recap, May 15: Kurt Angle’s extreme audible
Recapping the WWE RAW episode from May 15, featuring the announcement of the main event for Extreme Rules
Extremely Fatal
Let’s pour a drink out for the next 3-6 months we will have to endure without the Monster of a Man, the 10th Wonder of the World, Braun Strowman. He was the most over guy on WWE programming since Heath Slater had his renaissance last summer, and was the first name on everyone’s fantasy booking list to face Brock Lesnar — Finn Balor is a close second.
Strowman just had elbow surgery, throwing a huge wrench into the machine that was elevating Strowman’s legend each and every week. The only way I could feel better about Strowman missing time would be if Kurt Angle decided to make the biggest match in his short time as RAW General Manager. Huh? What’s that, Kurt? A Fatal 5-Way match at Extreme Rules for the No. 1 Contender spot? Okay, I’m back!
The contestants for that match will be Seth Rollins, Samoa Joe, Finn Balor, Bray Wyatt, and Roman Reigns. Any of these guys going up against Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam would be a dream match, including Roman Reigns, who never actually was pinned by Brock Lesnar, even though he took a loss at their WrestleMania 31 bout when Seth Rollins cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase. While I was excited at the thought of Balor vs. Wyatt in one-on-one action — same goes for Rollins/Joe — this doesn’t derail the possibility of it ever happening, it just means it’ll probably happen at SummerSlam. Roman Reigns is the only guy in this match whose dance partner got hurt, so it’s easy to predict that Joe/Rollins and Wyatt/Balor will all still happen soon, with Reigns being thrown to the Beast.
Kurt Angle, needing to still put on a show for all the lovely paying customers in New Jersey, decided to put four of these five guys in matches together throughout the night, with Finn Balor facing Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt facing Seth Rollins. Both of these matches could be PPV main events, so combining that with Samoa Joe not having a match — giving him the possibility to appear at any given moment — this RAW already felt 20x bigger than last week’s dud.
Balor and Reigns were the first to do battle, and the match was just as excellent as you’d wish it would be. The match was good enough to feel like a great RAW match, but still left something to be desired if they ever face off one-on-one again, or when they inevitably have a couple spots at Extreme Rules. Reigns ended up winning via pinfall after a destructive Spear.
Rollins and Wyatt fought in the main event, and it had a big fight feel up until (you guessed it) Samoa Joe took out Seth Rollins, giving him the win via disqualification. Sure, he lost, but I love Wyatt closing the show with back-to-back Sister Abigails to two of RAW’s biggest names; even though closing a show strong usually foreshadows defeat in the wrestler’s upcoming match, it still made me happy. Isn’t that all we want?
Winning by Losing
It’s nothing short of an aberration of science that Dean Ambrose and The Miz can still put on incredible matches together. It feels like we’ve seen them fight at least 700,000 times, but I can’t recall ever seeing the same thing twice. It’s remarkable, and a testament to how these guys each approach their craft. This week, they battled for the Ambrose’s Intercontinental Championship, and the drama was plentiful.
Maryse is The Miz’s biggest weapon, more than any Skull-Crushing Finale ever would be, and she did her duty at the end of this match where she distracted the referee long enough for The Miz to attempt a low blow on the champ. “Attempt” is the key word here, as Ambrose knows The Miz too well to fall for any of his trickery. Ambrose caught Miz’s hand just an inch away from the family jewels, and answered with a low blow of his own. Unfortunately, the referee’s back wasn’t turned for that last part, and Ambrose was disqualified, but fortunately (for Dean-O at least), you can’t lose a title on a disqualification.
This sets the stage for Ambrose/Miz: Round 700,002 at Extreme Rules, and if the name of the PPV indicates the type of match, these guys could quite possibly steal the show. Hell, I’d take a Kendo Stick on a Pole Match between these two. Now that’d be a silly thought. Right? …Right?
Kendo Stick on a Pole Match
There are few things in professional wrestling I enjoy more than the contractually obligated rematch. It didn’t take Bayley long to take advantage, as she lost the RAW Women’s Championship to Alexa Bliss just over two weeks ago, and requested her rematch for the upcoming RAW PPV, Extreme Rules. (I can’t lie: I popped when the crowd chanted “ECW,” and will do the same from now until ECW chants die, which will be never.) There was nothing contractual about anything Bliss did to Bayley with a kendo stick that was under the ring, and it left Bayley battered and bruised. Kurt Angle, the GM not just of RAW, but of our hearts, decided the best way for Bayley to get Alexa back for that kendo stick beating was for the two to fight for the title in a Kendo Stick on a Pole Match.
This will be the first time two women will fight in this type of match, but don’t expect there to be anything lady-like about it — Bayley, as proven in NXT (and kind of in WWE) is willing to sacrifice her body to put on a great show. Alexa Bliss hasn’t been put in that kind of situation yet, but given the fact that she hasn’t given us any hint of a poor performance yet, I think she will surprise everyone with the beatings she’s willing to dish out and receive.
Highlight Reel
- The RAW Tag Team Champions nostalgia act still hasn’t wore off, despite it being Sheamus’ main goal, second only to winning back the belts with his make-shift partner, Cesaro. Sheamus had a chance to derail some of the Hardy Boyz’s momentum by taking on Jeff (and, for a half-second after a botched Brogue Kick to Matt’s face, almost did), but Jeff turned on the classics with a Swanton Bomb to finish off the Celtic Warrior. I’m sure we’ll see Cesaro try to avenge his partner’s loss against Matt at some point, and for a feud that may have felt stale if it were any other two teams, this still manages to feel fresh.
- Last week, I wrote that we had witnessed a new career low for Sasha Banks because she was in a match against Alicia Fox. Well, folks, we’ve witnessed history once again: not only did Sasha face Alicia Fox for the second time in as many weeks, but this time, she lost. To add insult to embarrassment, the only reason this segment existed was to promote a 205 Live storyline. Maybe Sasha needs Charlotte more than she ever realized. Either that, or she needs to make a statement, preferably by way of a violent heel turn.
- Can Elias Samson just keep doing what he’s doing? I mean, like, forever? Okay, thanks.
- TJP pinned Jack Gallagher to pick up a win for he and his partner, the King of the Cruiserweights. Austin Aries, Gallagher’s partner for the match, will get a third chance at Neville’s Cruiserweight Championship at Extreme Rules. TJP is not someone who can be trusted, and I see him eventually turning on Neville. I could see Austin Aries finally uncrowning the king, affirming all the potential he’s been displaying since his NXT debut.
- Just when it seemed that Golden Truth was motivated enough to get back on the winning path, starting with a match against The Club, Goldust decided that R-Truth needs to be disposed of in order for him to work on bringing up that win column. It was a sad moment, second-saddest of the night in fact (BRAUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN), but I can’t fault Goldust here. His career is coming toward the finish line (at this point, given his age and mileage, it has to be), so he wanted to give us one more memorable moment before he inevitably loses to R-Truth in a dark match at Great Balls of Fire. How poetic.
- Sasha Banks isn’t the only superstar in need of some saving, as Enzo & Cass are now in a feud with Titus O’Neil and Apollo Crews. Are we really this far removed from WrestleMania, when Enzo & Cass were (in my eyes) favored to win the RAW Tag Team Championships before the Hardy Boyz got involved? How did we get here? How did this happen? With catchy chants, perplexing merch, and a huge Tag Team Championship-sized chip on their shoulders, Enzo & Cass are still way over with the people. They deserve better than this. It’s like Mufasa told Simba, “Everything Titus O’Neil touches is our toilet.”