Top 25 NFL mustaches of all time
By John Buhler
16. Warren Moon
Why weren’t the Houston Oilers better? Like they did something the Houston Texans haven’t figured out yet: quarterbacks. Replacing Warren Moon with Steve McNair was a bold strategy, Cotton, but it worked out for the Tennessee Titans.
Moon was an amazing quarterback. The dude played in the rain in Washington, in the freezing cold in Edmonton and in the NFL for four teams before retiring at age 44. His secret: supreme mustache game, duh. It was SO good and made everybody better around him.
Well-kept and uniform throughout the upper-lip area, that mustache and probably his howitzer of a right arm ultimately got Moon into Canton as the first African-American quarterback. He’s in the Canadian Football Hall of Fame. Why is he not in the Mustache Hall of Fame yet?
The problem is that Moon clipped that bad boy off not that long ago. What’s he trying to do, go all Don Mattingly on us? You’re a ‘stache bro, bro. People just don’t start forgetting how to grow a mustache. Genetics just don’t let that happen because that’s why there’s science. Without that mustache, can we be entirely sure that’s Warren Moon. No, no we can’t. Just remember rule No. 1 for spotting out a cyborg: Cyborgs can’t grow mustaches. The more you know.