Want to troll that annoying Dallas Cowboys fan that just won’t let it go? Buy them one of these items.
The Dallas Cowboys have one of the most loyal and vociferous fanbases in the entire world. It’s a good thing, too — they haven’t won anything in a long time. Nevertheless, many amongst the millions that adore America’s Team would have you believe they’re the premiere franchise in the NFL. It’s that sort of insanity that leads many of us to want to troll those fans, and that’s where this guide comes into play.
Dallas Cowboys Calendar
You know Cowboys fans — always talking about the glory days, always trying to relive their youth. Now, they can continue in their own fantasy world by going all the way back to 1980 with this special calendar! Tell ’em Reagan all the way.
Bryant Ruler
It’s a game of inches, as Dez Bryant knows better than anyone else. With this ruler, you can measure just how close he was to completing the process of the catch in that 4th-down play in Green Bay from two years ago.
Cowboys Rocks Glasses
There are now people who are both legal to drink and have never been alive to witness the Dallas Cowboys in the Super Bowl. That’s right, it’s been more than 21 years since the Cowboys defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XXX.
Buy The Rocks Glass For: $29.99
Magic Grip
For when your placeholder needs a little extra help holding onto the ball. Just mentioning Tony Romo dropping the snap is sure to get any Cowboys fan fuming. If you’ve got an older fan, maybe drop a Leon Lett reference on them. Even older? Tell them they developed this because of Jackie Smith.
Buy The Magic Grip For: $10.02
Cabo San Lucas Travel Guide
If you’re going to spend your bye week on vacation in Cabo like Tony Romo and Jason Witten did back in 2007, you should know all of the hot spots to go. After all, what are you going to, watch game film and prepare for your opponent?
Buy The Travel Guide For: $17.99
Michael Vick Autograph
It can be tough to get autographs, which is why Dallas Cowboys RB Tashard Choice decided to ask then-Philadelphia Eagles QB Mike Vick for one…at midfield…after a Monday Night loss…for all the world to see.
Buy The Vick Autograph For: $215.99
Steelers Clutch
The Cowboys have had numerous opportunities to come up big when it matters over the last two decades, but it just hasn’t panned out. Whether it’s an embarrassing Week 17 loss or a great regular season wasted with a playoff disappointment, the only way the Cowboys fans can feel clutch is to buy one — sporting the six-time champion Pittsburgh Steelers logo.
Derrick Lassic Autographed Football
Who is Derrick Lassic, you ask? He’s the guy that somehow brainwashed Jerry Jones into letting Emmitt Smith hold out back in 1993. He started back-to-back games to start the season (both Cowboys losses) before the mind control wore off and Jones finally gave Emmitt $13 million a year.
Buy The Lassic Auto For: $64.99
Cowboys Fidget Spinner
It’s hard to pass the time when you’re sitting at home watching the NFL Playoffs. This spinner has it all, as the product description notes it’s “suitable for use while working or relaxing” and “helps to relieve stress.” Oh wait, it does mention “Warning: Choking hazard,” maybe the Boys should steer clear.
If these gifts don’t get that annoying Cowboys fan to stop, nothing will.