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We need more Wiffle Ball and less fidget spinners

By Hamilton Bones

BOSTON - NOVEMBER 10: Carter Bame-Aldred, 19, of Pullman, WA throws the pitch to Joel Yamasaki, 17, of Antelope, CA during a wiffle ball game on the Northeastern Campus. In the background at left is Ryan Beach, 18, of Geneva, Switzerland, and Alex Fairhurst, 18, of Foxboro. (Photo by Yoon S. Byun/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)
BOSTON - NOVEMBER 10: Carter Bame-Aldred, 19, of Pullman, WA throws the pitch to Joel Yamasaki, 17, of Antelope, CA during a wiffle ball game on the Northeastern Campus. In the background at left is Ryan Beach, 18, of Geneva, Switzerland, and Alex Fairhurst, 18, of Foxboro. (Photo by Yoon S. Byun/The Boston Globe via Getty Images) /
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Wiffle Ball Is The Hero This Nation Deserves

With the Summer about to kick off, I have a bit of advice for you all of you fellow parents out there. The next time your son (or daughter) begs you to go out and buy them another Fidget Spinner or the ingredients for another batch of useless slime, don’t do it. Head over to your local grocery store, convenience store, or CVS and buy them the perfect summer toy every created: a Wiffle bat and ball.

Just reading this letter about the origin of Wiffle Ball will give you goosebumps:

So tell your son or daughter to get off the couch and teach them how to throw a knuckleball. They have watched enough YouTube videos of kids making multi-colored slime. Trust me, it will be the smartest thing you do all summer. Some of my best childhood memories are not being able to get anything by my older brother and watching him launch bombs off of my “fastball” in our backyard. I remember a kid in my neighborhood had a 12-6 Wiffle curve that would humble Mike Trout (maybe). Compare these experiences against spinning a piece of plastic between your fingers or mixing glue, food coloring and shaving cream in a bowl. Without a game like Wiffle Ball, our kids and this generation may be screwed.

Another great thing about Wiffle Ball is that a bat and ball costs about six bucks. It is not some crappy goody bag item that you got at another nameless birthday party. They also seem to have gone out of their way to NOT merchandise the fun out of their brand. Their entire product line basically consists of a bat and a ball – and a tie.

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If you listen to my advice, the worst thing that can happen is you might have to say goodby to a couple of sections of your lawn. But that is the small price you will pay for knowing your kid isn’t watching another video about water bottle flipping, killer clowns, or some creepy family that “unboxes” toys for the first time. And if you need a refresher course about Wiffle technique – Popular Science has your back. Now just get of your phone and buy some Wiffle. But make sure to buy a few extra balls because a few will end up in your neighbor’s gutter.