10 athletes we wouldn’t mind driving across the country
By John Buhler
9. Danica Patrick
If you’re willing to swallow your pride as an Uber driver, it may not be a bad idea to pick up a NASCAR driver to take them wherever is necessary. Basically, if Danica Patrick wants a ride from Indianapolis to Daytona Beach, you’re going to do it.
At first, you guys will talk about whatever, mostly racing and internet domain names. Then Patrick will get antsy and say you’re driving too slow at 95 miles per hour. Your pile has been shaking since you hit 80 on the open road, but that’s just not fast enough for Patrick.
You’ll be smart with her and ask why she isn’t driving herself from Indy to Daytona. Patrick will give a mean, but fair response to that dumb question you tried to ask her, “I don’t drive for free.” Fair enough, so you redline your poorly manufactured automobile and pray that a dozen small town cop gives you a speeding ticket and have you license revoked.
You have so many court dates coming up, but at least you have another five months before you have to pay the premium on your State Farm policy, so that’s neat. Finally, Patrick will have enough of your bad driving and take the wheel herself.
She’d ditch you in Talladega, but since this is technically your car, she’d do things to your pre-owned certified luxury car that you bought at CarMax that you never thought possible. At Daytona Motor Speedway, you thank Patrick for not killing you. Your tip is in “on-the-rise” internet domain names.