10 athletes we wouldn’t mind driving across the country
By John Buhler
8. Aaron Judge
Baseball is America’s pastime, or it was at one time. Outside of Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper, MLB lacks a superstar. Harper may want to go from Washington, D.C. to his native Las Vegas with you as an Uber driver, but he’s probably going to be too vain with that hair of his to make it worthwhile.
Since the most obvious big leaguer to Uber drive across country just retired in David Ortiz, there has to be somebody cool from baseball we can waste unnecessary gas mileage on. Sure, you could say Chicago Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant would be fun, but he drove for Lyft that one time, so he’s mathematically disqualified. That leaves one obvious choice: New York Yankees right fielder Aaron Judge.
Judge might be a rookie, but he’s a big dude at six-foot-seven and is the best player to come up through the Yankees farm system since Derek Jeter back in 1995. Tall, but humble, Judge would be very polite to you in your car. There is a good chance that when your car breaks down taking him from New York to Los Angeles, Judge will channel his inner Bill Brasky and turn you into the beast of burden you truly are to carry him to California.
Expect the money to be paid on time and that Judge would tip you handsomely for your services as Uber driver/horse. You’ll bond a little bit, enough for you to ask if you can be the author of his eventual biography. Judge will say no, because he is the jury and executioner of his own autobiography. You’re not invited into his book club, but thanks for the ride!