4. Boris Diaw
When French forward of the Utah Jazz Boris Diaw decides to call it a career, the NBA is never going to be the same. In a league full of a ton of unique dudes, Diaw might be the most eccentric. He just does whatever he wants all the time, like take his two dogs/emotional support animals on random Segway rides through Canyonlands National Park.
As you do enjoy the fine Rocky Mountain air yourself, you find yourself picking up Diaw and his two emotional support animals named Evan Fournier and Joffery Lauvergne somewhere near Park City, Utah. Since Diaw forgot his precious hand lotion back in Charlotte, he needs you to take him and his two emotional support animals from the Great Salt Lake to the Hornet’s Nest.
You’re cool with dogs, but Delta Airlines is not and United Airlines has already re-accommodated Diaw and the dog versions of his French national teammates Fournier and Lauvergne. They shed like crazy, so the back seat of your car looks like its covered in furry kudzu. Diaw needs his coffee every three seconds, but isn’t his java straight up amazing!
After you drop Diaw off somewhere in the Charlotte-Mecklenberg area, you see him Segwaying after you with his two emotional support animals at his side with a little tiny bottle of expired vaseline in his hands. Finders keepers. It’s your state of the art coffee maker as you book out of the Carolinas faster than Adam Morrison on his rookie contract with the Bobcats.