WWE RAW Recap, June 26: Samoa Joe chokes Brock Lesnar, women run the gauntlet

Recapping the June 26 edition of WWE RAW, with Samoa Joe getting the better of Brock Lesnar and the women running the gauntlet.

And The Ambulance Goes BRAUUUUUUUUN!!!

It’s been a tough couple of weeks for Roman Reigns. I don’t get to type that very often, so allow me to do it once more. It’s been a tough couple of weeks for Roman Reigns. (That felt even better the second time.)

Last time we saw the Big Dog, he had passed out via a Coquina Clutch from the one breathing down Brock Lesnar’s neck (more on Samoa Joe later), and was then posthumously mutilated by Braun Strowman. Strowman then challenged Reigns to an Ambulance Match, which Roman came to RAW this week to address.

It started with the same crowd jeering, smug grinning, and wet grooming we’ve become accustomed to from a Roman Reigns promo, until yet again we hear the sirens of Reigns’ impending doom coming from backstage. As the ambulance backed up, Roman marched on and opened the backdoor expecting the Monster Among Men to jump out screaming like a madman. Strowman defied the scientific odds when he snuck up from behind Reigns, eventually tossing him off the ramp into the side of the truck.

Strowman threw Reigns in the back of that ambulance like a sack of laundry and shut the door. If Strowman can do exactly this in a few weeks at Great Balls of Fire (lol), he’d fulfill his destiny once and for all, and be the Man Who Burned Down the Roman Empire. If not, Roman will have as much of a claim to the Universal Championship Match at SummerSlam as he says he does.

How to Catch a Beast

If Lavar Ball wasn’t enough to pop the Los Angeles crowd (he definitely wasn’t), maybe the advocate of the REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED… fine, fine, I’ll leave that to the G.O.A.T. of the art, Paul Heyman.

We first saw Heyman getting interviewed backstage before being snuck up on from behind by Samoa Joe. Joe teased the Coquina Clutch toward Heyman, enough to give him shudder of familiar fear, but told him he was saving it for his client. Later in the night, when Heyman finally called his beast toward the ring, Brock Lesnar came out with the confidence you usually see in a lion who spots its live dinner. Heyman should have given Lesnar fair warning, however, as Lesnar barely hit the ramp before he found himself strangled by the Coquina Clutch from Stealthy, er … Samoa Joe.

Lesnar is not a small man, and used much of his might to push Joe toward — and through — the LED screens. It only half-worked, as Joe did take a bit of damage, but it didn’t save Lesnar’s entire head from turning purple. Yet again, some of the roster was needed to rip Joe off of their Universal Champion. At Great Balls of Fire, when these two Alphas are facing one another, and there is no chance of either guy blindsiding the other, to quote Powerman 5000: “Now this is what it’s like when world’s collide.”

Running the Gauntlet

You’d have guessed that the WWE Creative Team heard the many rally cries from all the fans of the Women’s Division after their ladies were confined down to a pointless segment last week. This week, the women — specifically Nia Jax and Sasha Banks — may have stolen the show. Sticking with the “Balls” theme, RAW General Manager Kurt Angle held himself a lottery, complete with ping pong balls, to determine the order of the evening’s main event, a Gauntlet Match, with the winner to face Alexa Bliss at GBOF.

This should have been Nia Jax’s opus, and in every way except the final result, it was. For almost a half-hour, Jax dominated almost every woman on the roster. It didn’t matter who she was in the ring with: Bayley, Mickie James, Dana Brooke, and Emma all fell hard. It came down to Jax and Sasha Banks, and for 99 percent of their battle, Jax was winning the scorecard. Fortunately for Sasha Banks, there are no judges in a wrestling match, only a referee there to count to three and to prevent anyone from getting choked out, which is why he stopped the match once Jax had enough of Sasha’s last ditch effort — the Banks Statement. I was a little upset that Sasha won; it felt Roman Reigns-esque, even though Sasha hadn’t been in a big match in quite some time. She had been getting beaten down for most of the match, and while Nia did put herself way over, it ended up being Banks who will get the big match at GBOF. For now, we will have to put our dreams of Nia Jax getting her hands on the Goddess of WWE, Alexa Bliss, on the shelf.

Highlight Reel

• In the world’s longest Transformer: The Last Knight promo (or was it for The Buddy Games? I couldn’t tell), we got to watch Sheamus, Cesaro & Elias Samson lose to the Hardy Boyz & Finn Balor. The second they announced this match, I tried to envision myself one year ago reacting to what I heard. If that wouldn’t have made my mind explode, the sight of Samson, Sheamus & Cesaro all sitting on stools, wearing headset microphones, getting ready for a three-man acoustic jam session would’ve. Also, the guy who looks like Timothy Olyphant — Josh Duhamel, there to plug Transforming Buddies or something — did commentary, and totally blew Vince McMahon’s spot by casually mentioning how he saw him backstage. Now, everyone will assume Vince is at every RAW in the country. (To be fair, he most likely is, but there’s still kayfabe to keep up with, Josh! Nothing sells tickets like “Mr. McMahon will be on RAW next week!”)
• Showtime is back in Los Angeles! In the ’80s, it was anchored by Magic Johnson, but on RAW, it was resurrected by Goldust. Goldust was set to face R-Truth, which many critics were excited about, as it was to be the debut of The Shattered Truth. The match was just an “action!” call by the referee from starting, but Goldust brought his own cameraman, and didn’t need the referee’s direction. Goldust took down R-Truth before the bell rang, and laid down a severe beating on his former tag team partner. I’d like these two to keep feuding until GBOF, and if we’re being honest, a culminating battle at SummerSlam would be best for show business.

• There’s a reason big networks like ESPN and Fox Sports give Lavar Ball a live microphone, and it’s for his Randy Savage-like promos. You can add MizTV to that list, because The Miz has always been one to extend an olive branch to someone with the same A-list status as he has. If things weren’t weird enough for you when Lavar, Lonzo and LaMelo Ball were all in the ring wearing Big Baller Brand gear, and it still wasn’t weird enough for you when Dean Ambrose came out, also wearing BBB, then Lavar taking his shirt off should have been the crossed line. This led to a Six-Man Tag Team Match featuring (no, not the Ball family) Dean Ambrose, Rhyno & Heath Slater against the Miz and his two costume-less bears, Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel. The #Miztourage picked up the win as Dallas rolled up Slater, while the rest of us picked up a win by this segment being over.

• It’s been an emotional week of reminiscing over the sad breakup of everyone’s girlfriend’s favorite tag team, Enzo & Cass, but on RAW, it was the Certified G’s turn to speak. Enzo surprisingly was willing to let bygones be bygones; at first, it seemed like Big Cass agreed with him. Cass even extended his hand and offered a seemingly-sincere apology, which Enzo was reluctant to accept, but ultimately did. As unlikely as Enzo’s sentiment was, I actually had a short vision that they would put that incident behind them, and try to compete for a chance for the RAW Tag Teams Championships, a feat the two have never achieved in WWE. It was all a nice thought until Cass popped everyone’s bubble by way of a ferocious clothesline, removing not only Enzo’s head, but all of our fantasies that these guys could actually move on from this, using it to strengthen their bond as a team. WWE is going to need to come up with some sort of interesting match to put these two in, as I don’t think even Enzo’s own family would believe he has a chance to win a traditional one-on-one match against his 7-foot tall former brother.
• If Seth Rollins defeats Curt Hawkins, but nobody cares, does it actually happen? Oh, and there was another backstage promo by Bray Wyatt afterwards, but you could have guessed that.
• The Titus Brand knows how to treat their potential clients, as this is the second time in a week Akira Tozawa has received free ringside tickets for one of Neville’s matches. On 205 Live, Tozawa got to witness Rich Swann nearly defeat Neville, but Swann ultimately fell short. On RAW, Lince Dorado got his chance to upset the Cruiserweight Champion, and like most other challengers of late, he failed miserably. Titus O’Neill, ever the company man, came out after the match to plug his client’s match for Neville’s title at GBOF. If Austin Aries, a top-level talent, couldn’t beat Neville after three attempts, I don’t see Tozawa being the one to knock the King off his throne.