WWE RAW Recap, July 3: Samoa Joe hunts down Brock Lesnar

Roman Reigns gets some revenge on Braun Strowman, while the Intercontinental Championship was defended on the go-home episode of RAW leading up to Great Balls of Fire (lol). 

Story of a Silver-Tongued Son-of-a-Gun

When it comes to kicking off the week of wrestling, you could do worse than a pissed off Enzo Amore. Smacktalker Skywalker has been stepped on too many times these past couple of weeks by his former best friend, and used his speaking time to declare war. Enzo is known for his fiery promos, but none were hotter than the fireballs he was throwing on RAW. (I’m not even trying to make a silly pun using this weekend’s pay-per-view title – he was literally spitting flames from his mouth like Charizard.) We learned that Enzo and Big Cass will go one-on-one at Great Balls of Fire (lol), but unless there’s some sort of stipulation implemented (perhaps Enzo can use a chainsaw?), I have no doubt that Cass will steamroll Enzo. Barring a weird ending to the match that forces these two to go against each other at SummerSlam, Big Cass should immediately step into Dean Ambrose’s role and fight for the Intercontinental Championship, because even the belt itself is bored with being fought for by the same two guys for what seems like it’s been 12 years.

Heath’s Big Opportunity

Miz and Dean Ambrose’s rivalry remind me of season 5 of the hit ABC show LOST; for both, I felt obligated to keep watching after all the time invested previously, but once time travel, or dudes dressed like bears became involved, it should be considered time to pull the plug on the whole thing.

The Miztourage held an episode of MizTV, which was interrupted by Dean Ambrose because of course it was. It’s quite unbelievable that this is the 427,000^th time that these two have had a segment together.

While the Miztourage seems to be a strong unit behind one leader, the Ambrose Army — which I just made up, and will expect and accept the check from WWE to my home address — seems more individually motivated, as Heath Slater thought it was a good moment to have a shot at the Miz’s Intercontinental Championship six days before GBOF, and General Manager American Hero Kurt Angle agreed. Sure, Slater got his big opportunity, but nobody actually expected him to succeed, not even a single one his 71 kids. Miz won after Slater was distracted by his best friend Rhyno getting beat down by Dallas and Curtis Axel outside the ring. Miz retained his championship, and Ambrose will get his hands on Miz, finally, after all those seconds since the last time.

Strowman Reigns

Earlier, I mentioned that you could do way worse than Enzo Amore to start RAW. On the same scale, you could do way, way worse than ending an episode with Braun Strowman. Roman Reigns was “not in the building,” so Strowman issued something of an open challenge to the WWE locker room. The Titus Brand has needed the type of spark that most people would have to pay for, so Titus threw one of his clients, Apollo Crews, to the Monster Among Men.

At one point, Crews had Strowman miraculously on his back, and tried leaping on the big guy, back first, only to be kicked out of midair as if he was an inflatable doll. Strowman picked up seven wins in this one match, picking Crews up each time there was a two-count. Titus, showing actual leadership for the first time since his brand’s inception, threw a punch at Strowman for the way he dismembered his most valuable asset. Naturally, this didn’t affect Strowman at all, and once again the lasting memory we will have of this absolute animal was him throwing someone in the back of an ambulance, this time it being Crews. The ironic thing is he may have done Crews a favor there, as he absolutely needed medical attention.

Strowman expected the ambulance to drive off once he closed the doors, but apparently the driver was either (Option A) asleep, or (Option B) Roman Reigns. If you guessed Option A, you obviously are new to professional wrestling. Reigns punched Strowman in the mouth as he was checking on who was driving the ambulance, and didn’t let up on his attack until he gave Strowman a Spear off the ramp, onto a table. As impressive — and improbable — as it seems to get Strowman off his feet, it’s another pipe dream altogether to consider how to put this man in the back of an ambulance. Good luck, Mr. Reigns. You may actually need Superman’s strength to get the job done.

Highlight Reel

• Sasha Banks, coming off her biggest win since RAW’s Charlotte Era, teamed up with her best friend Bayley to face the team of Alexa Bliss and Nia Jax. Bayley, who could have used a big spotlight to propel herself back into RAW Women’s Championship conversation, was taken out of the match early by Jax. Sasha defied the odds for the second week in a row, this time by making the champ tap out, despite being down a partner. Whatever doghouse Sasha may or may not have put herself in (I have to think her appearances on 205 Live were some sort of punishment for something, but I can’t figure out what exactly), she’s way out of it, and on Sunday, she will have to put on an all-time performance if she’s going to dethrone the Wicked Witch of WWE.
• Cedric Alexander has had enough of Noam Dar & Alicia Fox’s nonsense of late, and after several attempts to cut ties from the couple, Alexander summoned them both to the ring for a match where every move had the power and sting of daggers behind them. Alicia Fox, who we’ve only seen recently via Dar’s FaceTime app, showed up to watch this match in person. Despite Fox’s best attempt to distract Alexander, he was able to hit an emphatic Lumbar Check on Dar and pick up the win. These two have been feuding pretty hard lately, and if 205 Live was featured on multiple matches on pay-per-view cards, perhaps this would have been big enough for GBOF. Now that he’s defeated Dar on RAW, let’s hope Alexander can move past this petty feud, as he may be the only other person on the roster who is actually on the “Neville Level.”
• Last week, we got to witness the filming of Goldust’s newest masterpiece. Some people say that the past week has been the longest of 2017, if only because of the anticipation we’ve all been feeling for the premiere of The Shattered Truth. I must say, the wait was totally worth it. We were able to see beautiful angles from the cameraman that Goldust brought along last week on his journey to destroy R-Truth. R-Truth, never the savage, allowed the film to air in it’s completion before he mauled Goldust from behind. As of right now, these two don’t have a match set up, which means they are destined to be on the SummerSlam pre-show, and honestly, I’m okay with that.
• If Curt Hawkins has an agent, he should be fired. For the second week in a row, Hawkins was put in a match against Seth Rollins, who a lot of people seem to have forgotten was RAW’s number one pick back at the brand split. It’s not entirely Rollins’ fault, as WWE’s Creative Team has been putting so much effort into other feuds, it’s as if they’ve left Rollins and Bray Wyatt behind. Rollins gave Wyatt a verbal jab, and Wyatt responded later while he was in a desert, just because. Not even 205 Live has produced a single feud that has been given less thought than this “rivalry.” They should just market this match for what it is going to be: a great fight between two top guys who WWE writers aren’t able to fit in their busy schedules.
• Sometimes, a story has already been told to completion by the time a go-home episode of RAW or SmackDown Live comes along. The title could be on the line, there may have been multiple violent affairs in the previous weeks, or the two talents could both be considered prize fighters whose on-screen presence should not be overused, for fear of dilution. In the case of Samoa Joe vs. Brock Lesnar, you’ve hit all three marks. All RAW provided was an in-depth video package showing their history leading up to this weekend’s earth-shattering encounter for the Universal Championship at Great Balls of Fire, and an interview that Michael Cole conducted with Samoa Joe and Brock Lesnar (with his advocate, Paul Heyman). Michael Cole was immediately rendered useless as Joe decided to ask the questions, which rapidly turned into a shouting match. It was a nice teaser for this weekend’s Universal Championship match, but we all know that words are ultimately useless when it comes to becoming a champion in WWE. Joe, ever the detective, had a feeling Lesnar was actually in the building, and his sense of smell was correct. Joe found Lesnar, and had to be held back by WWE employees, who have been earning their money with all the holding back they’ve been doing. On Sunday, there won’t be anyone to keep these two bruisers apart. No matter who wins (Lesnar is my official pick, if only because he deserves to be in the main event of Summerslam), Roman Reigns is absolutely screwed.
• Neville continued his dominance over the Cruiserweight Division with a win over Mustafa Ali, who has been defending his right to fly on 205 Live; last Tuesday, Ali defeated Drew Gulak, who has been leading a campaign against high-flying moves (Gulak’s attempt at a bellyflop off the top rope ironically was part of his downfall in that match), but Neville is not Drew Gulak. Neville will face Akira Tozawa on the Great Balls of Fire Kickoff Show, which is not fair given that it may be the best technical match of the show.
• The RAW Tag Team Championship match at GBOF now has an even bigger stipulation, as Sheamus & Cesaro will now defend their titles in a 30-Minute Iron Man match. In a tune-up for Sunday, Cesaro requested a match against Finn Balor on RAW. Any match featuring either Cesaro or Finn Balor could be considered “must see” by most fans, so it’s not completely insane that the Hardy Boyz sat in on commentary, using this match to do some additional research on one-half of the championship team (not that it’s needed after they’ve been fighting nonstop for the past three months). Not even a distraction by Elias Samson was enough to assist Cesaro, who, after lots of fists flew outside of the ring (including quite a few from Matt & Jeff Jardy), was hit with the Coup de Grace, giving Balor some much-needed momentum heading into the pay-per-view. We all know Balor will beat Samson, but I will still be holding a lighter over my head during Samson’s solo.