What would top soccer players be worth in Adam Smith’s barter economy?

Buffon: A royal title

Royal titles are hard to get ahold of these days. You usually have to marry into regal families if you want to wear a crown and be called “Your Majesty.” In ye olden days, you could play politics and get a kingship simply by supporting an emperor. Some kings were even elected, like the first king of Belgium.

If things were more like back then, you could probably trade soccer players for titles. Yes, the fanbase would be ridiculously upset with you for sending one of your best players packing in exchange for something that only enriches yourself. But who cares? Once you’re king, those people are peasants and inherently beneath you. Do they have a throne? No, so their complaints are little more than the protestations of ants.

Gigi Buffon would probably be worth the throne of the Netherlands. It’s one of the oldest royal houses in Europe, much like Buffon being one of the oldest goalkeepers still playing.

Buffon is basically royalty, anyway. He carries himself like a gentleman. Once, he said of Totti’s goals: “Some, while I wouldn’t say it was a pleasure to concede them, were so beautiful that I’d have been ruining a masterpiece if I’ve saved them!”

The guy already speaks like royalty. Also, given all the league wins he’s brought in for Juventus, bringing in titles is something he does naturally.

So when the new King or Queen of the Netherlands sits atop their new throne, they will have Gigi Buffon to thank for it.