Manchester City continue to leave a trail of destruction in their wake while Burnley keep surprising the big boys. Here are our updated Premier League interesting rankings.
20. West Brom (Last Week: 18)
We have a new “leader” in the clubhouse, folks. West Brom are still technically in the top half of the Premier League table, sitting in 10th place. They are tied with seven other teams with seven points. The Baggies drew with West Ham 0-0 on Saturday. You couldn’t pay me to watch them. They are now as boring as their crest, which looks like something my grandma would knit for someone she doesn’t really like that much.
19. Southampton (LW: 17)
Southampton won and moved down two spots. They beat Crystal Palace (see below) 1-0 at Selhurst Park on Saturday. The goal was scored by Steven Davis. Steve Davis is a very unoriginal and very boring name. He will probably play with the Saints forever.
18. Crystal Palace (LW: 20)
“Friday” by Rebecca Black is an objectively horrible song, but I love it. In the same vein, Crystal Palace are so horrendously bad that they’re starting to become interesting. Five Premier League games, five losses, eight goals allowed, zero goals scored. How many more games can they go without scoring? How badly will they get beat by Manchester City this Saturday? I’m very excited to find out.
17. West Ham (LW: 15)
West Ham lost ground in our interesting rankings this week because they were involved in that 0-0 snoozefest with West Brom. We can’t have both “West” teams being insufferable, Hammers. West Brom can’t help it. Do something, Slaven Bilic.
16. Bournemouth (LW: 19)
My dude Jermain Defoe finally got on the board, netting the game-winner for the Cherries as they defeated Brighton at home. The only team they are better than is still Crystal Palace, but they got their first points of the season. A couple of decent performances could shoot them up the table.
15. Everton (LW: 12)
What the hell, Everton? Most clubs will probably catch an ass whipping from Manchester United this season, but the Toffees have looked like roadkill for the three consecutive matchdays. The excitement brought about by the return of Wayne Rooney seems to have faded. He’s still the only Everton player to score a goal this season. Get it together, fellas.
14. Swansea (LW: 16)
The Swans went to Wembley and held Tottenham scoreless. They also didn’t score, but will be happy with the point they earned. Swansea only had 25 percent of the possession and didn’t register a single shot on goal. The draw moves them up to 14th place in the Premier League table. That’s all I have to say about Swansea.
13. Brighton (LW: 14)
Brighton followed up their first ever Premier League win with a loss away to Bournemouth. Solly March opened the scoring in the 55th minute. Solly March is a great name. It’s the little things, sometimes.
12. Leicester (LW: 13)
The Foxes drew away to Huddersfield 1-1 last Saturday. The Villain Jamie Vardy scored once again from the penalty spot. It was Leicester’s first point in three games. They host Liverpool next week. I feel a slip down the interesting rankings coming on for the Foxes.
11. Stoke (LW: 10)
Stoke will hang on to some residual interestingness from drawing with Manchester United for a few more weeks. This week they lost 2-1 to Newcastle at St. James’ Park. The Potters looked to be on track for at least a point thanks to a nice Xherdan Shaqiri goal in the 57th minute, but they would concede 11 minutes later.
10. Tottenham (LW: 8)
Oh Spurs. They really seem to have developed some sort of complex in regards to playing their home games at Wembley. They’re still searching for their first win in their temporary home after a disappointing 0-0 draw with Swansea on Saturday. They couldn’t convert any of their eight shots on goal. Spurs have to wait until Oct. 14 for their next shot at a win at home.
9. Watford (LW: 5)
Watford finally lost, and it was in humiliating fashion. Manchester City came to town and hung six on the Hornets. While getting completely dismantled at home is kind of interesting in its own way, it’s not the sort of habit Watford will want to cultivate.
8. Huddersfield (LW: 9)
The Terriers bounced back from their first loss of the season with a nice 1-1 draw at home against Leicester on Saturday. They enjoyed 60 percent of the possession against the Foxes, which is an encouraging sign. They travel to fellow Premier League surprises Burnley this Saturday.
7. Arsenal (LW: 11)
The Gunners have recovered quite nicely from their 4-0 stomping at the hands of Liverpool on Aug. 27. They beat Bournemouth 3-0 last week and got a huge point at Stamford Bridge this week, drawing 0-0 with Chelsea. It was an entertaining scoreless draw that saw both clubs go close on multiple occasions. Arsenal will have three points on their minds this week as they host boring-ass West Brom on Monday.
6. Liverpool (LW: 4)
Philippe Coutinho received his first start of the Premier League season, but his presence in the lineup wasn’t enough for Liverpool to collect all three points as they came form behind to rescue a point against Burnley at Anfield. The Reds have to do better in front of goal as they wasted eight of their nine shots on target.
5. Newcastle (LW: 7)
Newcastle broke into the top four after their third straight league victory, downing Stoke 2-1 at home. Jamaal Lascelles scored his second consecutive game-winner. USMNT-mainstay DeAndre Yedlin started his first match of the season and went the full 90 minutes. The Magpies trail third-place Chelsea by a single point.
4. Chelsea (LW: 3)
Speaking of the Blues, they will feel that they left points on the table in their scoreless draw with Arsenal at home. The most interesting play Chelsea made was a horrible challenge by David Luiz in the 87th minute that earned him a red card and a suspension. Whoops.
3. Burnley (LW: 6)
The Clarets have taken the title of most surprising Premier League club all to themselves after drawing with Liverpool at Anfield on Saturday. They have also beat Chelsea and drawn with Spurs so far. Burnley keeper Nick Pope was immense in goal, stonewalling Liverpool time after time. Burnley were efficient on the offensive end, putting four of their five shots on frame.
2. Manchester United (LW: 1)
We finally have a shakeup at the top — or bottom, as it were — of our interesting rankings. Manchester United won by the scoreline of 4-0 for the third time this season, scoring three times in the last 10 minutes against Everton in Wayne Rooney’s return to Old Trafford on Sunday. Antonio Valencia’s rocket in the fourth minute was a superb bit of skill.
Next: GoT characters as Premier League players
1. Manchester City (LW: 2)
I don’t know about you, but a team scoring 11 goals in two games is very interesting to me. City dunked all over Watford at Vicarage Road on Saturday, cruising to a 6-0 win. Sergio Aguero netted a hat-trick while Gabriel Jesus and Raheem Sterling were both on the scoresheet again. The Citizens look like they would beat a World XI at the moment. They may drop 10 on Crystal Palace this Saturday at the Etihad. Congrats, City. Let’s see how long they occupy the top spot.