Is the Neymar-Cavani penalty beef as dumb as it seems? (And other questions)
Neymar and Edinson Cavani’s penalty beef reached a boil this week, but questions still need to be answered.
Paris Saint-Germain stars Neymar and Edinson Cavani have spent the past couple of weeks embroiled in a very public spat about who should take penalties for the club, a spat which came to head Tuesday, when PSG released a statement to Le Parisien denying reports they paid Cavani a bonus to let Neymar take the penalties he feels he rightly deserves.
With the club — who spent the summer spending many hundreds of millions of dollars in an effort to ensure they are finally, at last, taken seriously at the top table of world soccer — preparing to face Bayern Munich in the Champions League Wednesday in what will be their biggest test of the season so far, the whole nonsense raises some important (or not) questions, like:
Is this all as dumb as it seems?
Yes.
What is wrong with these idiots?
This is hard to say from a distance, but the answer probably has something to do with egos and money and what happens when extremely talented people are surrounded by extremely many people who make extremely a lot of money from ensuring those extremely talented people feel extremely confident at all times. Extremely.
Is this going to affect PSG’s performances?
There’s a slim possibility, given their best two players’ respective capacities to behave like your least favorite child at their own birthday party, this is going to affect PSG’s performances. But more likely, given both Neymar and Cavani’s proven ability to overcome their various stupidities for at least the 90 minutes they’re on the pitch each match, this is not going to affect PSG’s performances.
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Is it possible, as a compromise, they take every penalty Cruyff-Olsen style?
No. That would become predictable.
Who should take PSG’s penalties then?
It’s possible it could literally not matter any less.
How will this dispute be resolved?
The most likely scenario looks something like this: the tension between Neymar and Cavani will simmer for maybe two seasons until Kylian Mbappe is old enough to take Cavani’s place as Neymar’s main antagonist. Then the Brazilian will demand a transfer.