The definitive Halloween candy identity of every NBA team

Atlanta Hawks: Candy corn

Yeah. Ew. If there’s another thought to be had here, I’m not sure what it is. Maybe there’s a bit of sympathy, like feeling bad that a human being was capable of exercising their best judgment and still decided it was not terrible to give candy corn to other people, but that feeling subsides after a while. Eventually, you’re just left with candy corn, sitting at the bottom of your bag. Getting squished. Forming an amorphous, filmy blob. Ew.

In prior years, the Atlanta Hawks have been things like fun-size Toblerones. Remember when they went to the Eastern Conference Finals and looked like a team with a strong enough makeup to challenge LeBron for a shot at the Warriors? Korver! Teague! Horford! It was incredible!

Well, they got swept.

But that’s okay! They moved on, though they didn’t move up. The next year they were year-old Toblerones. Some of the magic was gone, but candy doesn’t go bad all that quickly. Still fine. Still good. Still playoff bound with about 50 wins.

Then there’s this year. There was a Dwight and now there isn’t. There was a Millsap, now there isn’t. A Schroder remains, and that’s not great. Behind that not-great start is a lot of stuff that’s worse. This is how candy corn is made.

I don’t feel good about this. All summer and probably for the rest of the year people will be piling on the Hawks for quick laughs and derisory prodding. That’s not what this is. This is a lamentation. Things are bad. They are just so, so bad.

At least Dwight’s gone.