Fansided

The definitive Halloween candy identity of every NBA team

By Matt Rutkowski

Various Hershey Co. chocolate candies are arranged for a photograph in a bowl in Tiskilwa, Illinois, U.S., on Tuesday, July 28, 2015. The Hershey Co. is scheduled to report second-quarter earnings on Friday, Aug. 7, 2015. Photographer: Daniel Acker/Bloomberg via Getty Images
Various Hershey Co. chocolate candies are arranged for a photograph in a bowl in Tiskilwa, Illinois, U.S., on Tuesday, July 28, 2015. The Hershey Co. is scheduled to report second-quarter earnings on Friday, Aug. 7, 2015. Photographer: Daniel Acker/Bloomberg via Getty Images /
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NBA teams are like candy. Believe me, it’s true. For example, they’re both chewy and can be bought at CVS for 79 cents. Wait, no.

Whether you like it or not, Halloween is coming. In a few days, small children will be running about, knocking on your door, screaming some alliteration, and expecting you to give them something in return. In a lot of ways, it’s hell. In a lot of other ways, it’s still hell.

You don’t have to be curmudgeonly, though. I’ve got that corner covered. It can also a time for fun. Have you ever wanted to dress up as a sexy nurse? Any outfit can be unisex if you try hard enough. What about a cat? Cats are pretty great.

If that’s not your thing, there are other options. The best one is to stay home, watch bad scary movies, and eat candy. Prices are great, options are numerous. There is no better time.

But what candy to eat, you might ask. It’s a tough call, so why not use an arbitrary measure like how a certain candy compares to your favorite NBA team? I’m here to help you. I want you to know I’m always here for you.

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