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10 great NBA players and the conspiracy theories they could make you believe

By Shea Corrigan

TOPSHOT - A commercial plane of German airline Lufthansa leaves a contrail on the sky on April 3, 2017 above the Swiss Alps resort of Verbier. / AFP PHOTO / Fabrice COFFRINI (Photo credit should read FABRICE COFFRINI/AFP/Getty Images)
TOPSHOT - A commercial plane of German airline Lufthansa leaves a contrail on the sky on April 3, 2017 above the Swiss Alps resort of Verbier. / AFP PHOTO / Fabrice COFFRINI (Photo credit should read FABRICE COFFRINI/AFP/Getty Images) /
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Credit: Know Your Meme
Credit: Know Your Meme /

5. Anthony Davis: Finland Doesn’t Exist

Some people believe Finland, the Nordic country east of Sweden, does not actually exist. Rather than a 130,128 square mile landmass bordering the Baltic Sea, Sweden, Norway and Russia, Finland truthers believe there is actually a large Japanese fishing colony. Allow me to explain.

Those of us that were taught European history in school learned that in 1918, Finland gained independence from Russia. But really, Japan and Russia made up the concept of Finland, a whole landmass country, so that Japan could fish the sea where you think Finland is, without obeying environmental laws. The fish were then shipped via Trans-Siberian railway to Japan under the label “Nokia products.” (The Trans-Siberian railway was, they say, created for this sole purpose. Also, Japan is, apparently, the largest importer of Nokia products, but few Japanese people own Nokia phones because Nokia products are actually fish!!)

According to this theory, people who believe they’re Finnish, rather than actually existing in a country of their own, actually live in eastern parts of Sweden, western parts of Russia and northern parts of Estonia. Helsinki is in eastern Sweden. Russia and Japan picked the name Finland because fish have fins (!). If you have more questions, here’s an FAQ.

Finland straight-up not existing is an amazing conspiracy marred by one great, massive handicap: You can just visit Finland. Or look at satellite images. Or talk to anyone who has been to Finland or is Finnish.

Anthony Davis is an amazing basketball player, who is also marred by one great, massive handicap: He plays for the New Orleans Pelicans. Now, this was significantly more of a thing last year, when some variation of “historically good player on historically bad team” headlined every story about him. Things are better this year, as he and DeMarcus Cousins are discovering a rhythm that is definitely fun and mostly winning. Still, he’s on the Pelicans.

If/when Anthony Davis manages to achieve lasting, perhaps post-season, success with New Orleans, we should all fly to Helsinki, Sweden, rent a boat and check out this “Finland” for ourselves.

Anthony Davis is Finland-doesn’t-exist good.

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