Fansided

One Christmas gift for each NFL team

By John Buhler

JACKSONVILLE, FL - NOVEMBER 12: Quarterback Blake Bortles No. 5 of the Jacksonville Jaguars on a pass play during the game against the Los Angeles Chargers at EverBank Field on November 12, 2017 in Jacksonville, Florida. The Jaguars defeated the Los Angeles Chargers 20-17 in overtime. (Photo by Don Juan Moore/Getty Images)
JACKSONVILLE, FL - NOVEMBER 12: Quarterback Blake Bortles No. 5 of the Jacksonville Jaguars on a pass play during the game against the Los Angeles Chargers at EverBank Field on November 12, 2017 in Jacksonville, Florida. The Jaguars defeated the Los Angeles Chargers 20-17 in overtime. (Photo by Don Juan Moore/Getty Images) /
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ARLINGTON, TX – NOVEMBER 23: Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones stands on the field during warmups before the football game against the Los Angeles Chargers at AT
ARLINGTON, TX – NOVEMBER 23: Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones stands on the field during warmups before the football game against the Los Angeles Chargers at AT /

Dallas Cowboys: A nice, quiet final five weeks. Oh wait, this is the Cowboys!

How bout them Cowboys! What are they getting this year for Christmas? I mean, they’ve been exceptionally naughty this year, as Jerry Jones can’t stay out of the news. At 5-6 with a negative point differential, you have become exceptionally average this year when you can’t Feed Zeke.

So what you’re getting this year Cowboys is pretty simple. You’re going 3-2 the rest of the way while approaching a 0-point differential. You will only play 1:00 p.m. ET kickoffs with the worst announcing tandem FOX can offer. Nobody will see your games like the Los Angeles Dodgers.

For your own sake, you’re going on holiday, off the grid or in exile. It’s your choice how you want to define it, but we’re not going to talk about you because nobody aspires to be completely average. Essentially, we’re grounding you. No tv, dang vidya games, SnapChats or whatever.

You’re just going to play those 1:00 p.m. ET games every week, do your chores and be quiet until January. I mean, we could give you coal, but that’s kind of like oil and that just sounds like money to owner Jerry Jones. Like Mugatu, you’re getting nothing, NOTHING. Relax and don’t do anything stupid. You might grow from this six-week hiatus from the national spotlight. Who knows?