Jeffrey Lebowski Dude of the Year award: Calais Campbell
This award is very important to me. It’s about being a good dude, man. The Walter Payton Man of the Year Award and The Big Lebowski have inspired this one. Is this guy a good hang? Did he do some cool stuff this year? Did he hang out with some guy named Walter and a Folgers tin worth of Shut the F**k up Donny’s ashes at a beach? Those are the qualifiers I’m talking about.
Though I don’t think he’s got a sweet pair of clear Jellies, I’m giving it to Calais Campbell because he created Sacksonville. To me, that place is more special than Imaginationland, Narnia, Neverland, Happy’s Place, The Good Place, but not quite Hogwarts. Campbell would be okay with that for sure. My dad’s old engineering firm kind of helped designed Harry Potter world, so you’re welcome, world.
Campbell just pile drove every dumb idiot that thought he could play football for the Houston Texans or the Indianapolis Colts into the turf. They were Under Pressure the whole time. A.J. Bouye and Jalen Ramsey had so many picks, you thought they were working in the Cleveland Browns front office.
Though it wasn’t entirely him, Campbell was the guy that was MMM MMM MMM MMM good for London’s Finest. He created Sacksonville. Campbell provided the pass rush necessary to host a playoff game in Duval. So party like its 1999! Just make sure Bills Mafia doesn’t drown in your pool while trying to jump through a folding table while funneling delicious Flutie Flakes. What a time to be alive!
Second place: Todd Gurley. Thanks for crushing it for my fantasy team this year and Go Dawgs!
Third place: The breathtaking Jimmy Garoppolo.