Around the NBA in 15 trades: Day 12, Knicks and Suns
In the lead up to the Feb. 8 trade deadline, we’re taking all 30 teams and finding mutually beneficial partners. Every day will offer up a new deal with two new consorts. It’s kinda like the 12 days of Christmas, but instead of hens-a-laying and pear trees and other useless nonsense from your true love, you’re getting fake trades from me for a much higher holy day: the NBA trade deadline. Strap in tight, it’s trading season!
For most of my life, the New York Knicks have been a purveyor of dysfunction. They make more bad decisions than the cast of Vanderpump Rules at an open bar. 2016’s splurge on Joakim Noah turned into regret almost immediately.
To find another team whose foundering has been on par with the Knicks, you need to venture to the great Southwest. Once the sun set on the Seven Seconds or Less era, Phoenix has only won 37.9 percent of its games. They haven’t qualified for the playoffs since the 2009-10 season.
If the Knicks want to move Noah and his albatross contract without surrendering their first-round pick, they’ll have to take albatross contracts back. Maybe these two franchises can exchange some of their wrongs to make a right.
Why the Knicks do it:
New York’s currently in the undertaking of finding a trade partner for their massive sunk cost. Noah was already a $72 million-dollar mistake, but after needing to get separated from Jeff Hornacek at practice, he’s been shunned. Getting him off the books — even if the return is other equally-expensive window dressing — would be welcomed.
Lance Thomas gets the reputation as a 3-and-D role player, despite not actually being good at shooting 3s or playing defense. Look, by all accounts he’s a nice guy and great teammate, but as a Knicks fan, I can’t watch him play basketball for 18 minutes a night anymore. The crux of this fake trade is self-care. For everything I’ve been through in my fandom, I’m strictly doing it for my own happiness.
Why the Suns do it:
To be honest, I think there’s only a 30 percent chance Phoenix would pull the trigger since Noah has probably the worst contract in the league and Brandon Knight, in theory, could be a useful player again.
But let me make the case: Robert Sarver is notoriously cheap and the Suns would actually save money in the aggregate with this trade. The contracts of Knight, Jared Dudley and Alan Williams total eight years and $80.5 million versus six years and just under $77 million for Noah and Thomas. When taking into account the team options for Williams and Thomas’ final years, the total hypothetical savings goes up to $5.6 million.
And who knows, maybe the dry heat of the desert and Phoenix’s vaunted training staff can rectify Noah’s maladies. Also, did I mention Thomas is a great teammate?
Next: Around the NBA in 15 trades: Day 11, Pistons and Spurs
Though if Dudley came to New York, he and Enes Kanter would need to squash their beef. I do have the feeling, however, that it would be accomplished quickly. Once you’re part of Kanter’s Knicks, you’re family.