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69 careers for Rob Gronkowski if he retires

By Staff

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - FEBRUARY 04: Rob Gronkowski #87 of the New England Patriots speaks to the media after losing to the Philadelphia Eagles 41-33 in Super Bowl LII at U.S. Bank Stadium on February 4, 2018 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - FEBRUARY 04: Rob Gronkowski #87 of the New England Patriots speaks to the media after losing to the Philadelphia Eagles 41-33 in Super Bowl LII at U.S. Bank Stadium on February 4, 2018 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images) /
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New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski mulled retirement after losing Super Bowl 52, so what careers could he go into if he decided to walk away?

During the post-game press conference for Super Bowl 51, New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski asked about a report that he was considering retiring.

Gronkowski downplayed the report, and said he would look at his future and sit down in the next couple of weeks and see where he is at. Gronk has suffered some injuries to be concerned about, including a concussion in the AFC Championship game when Jacksonville Jaguars safety Barry Church hit him.

While he is still young and has plenty of yards and touchdowns to rack up, perhaps even more Super Bowls to win, he does already own two rings.

If Gronk was serious about walking away, there would be untold number of opportunities presented to him. We helped him come up with a list of potential future careers.

  1. Replacing TJ Lavin as the Challenge host
  2. Fireball spokesman
  3. Party boat captain
  4. Single-A baseball star
  5. WWE Superstar
  6. Personal Trainer
  7. Protein Powder Hawker
  8. Harlem Globetrotter
  9. Professional Bruins puck spiker
  10. Duck Boat tour guide
  11. Podcast host
  12. Bartender at Boston dive bar
  13. Security on Maury
  14. Professional Party Guest (shoutout to The Sims)
  15. Star of Magic Mike 3: Electric Boogaloo
  16. Harvard professor on partying
  17. Dancing With The Stars contestant
  18. Beauty vlogger
  19. Go on The Amazing Race with Tim Tebow as a couple
  20. NFL Director of Player Celebrations
  21. Monster Energy drink spokesperson
  22. Influencer
  23. Replace Matt Lauer on Today Show
  24. Next Bachelor
  25. Hand model
  26. Jon Gruden replacement on Monday Night Football
  27. Animated TV voice-over work
  28. Mayor of Boston
  29. Father
  30. Football ambassador for the Big Baller Brand
  31. Priest
  32. Youtube/Let’s Player
  33. President of the United States
  34. Buddy Cop TV series star (again, with Tim Tebow)
  35. Olympian
  36. NCAA president
  37. Twitch streamer
  38. Paul Heyman’s next client
  39. Skincare blogger
  40. Alligator wrestler
  41. Demolition derby driver
  42. Auteur (not just an actor)
  43. Bill Belichick’s replacement
  44. Host of The Price Is Right
  45. TB12 CEO
  46. Publisher’s Clearing House giant check presenter
  47. Demo expert on HGTV shows
  48. Replace Paul Pierce in anything and everything Paul Pierce is doing at the moment
  49. Host of the Puppy Bowl
  50. Letter-turner on Wheel of Fortune
  51. Walmart greeter
  52. The View panelist
  53. Competitive eater
  54. Axe Body Spray spokesman
  55. XFL commissioner
  56. Financial advisor
  57. Battle Bots team owner
  58. Party clown
  59. Suns’ Gorilla mascot
  60. Colonel Sanders
  61. Shark Tank shark
  62. Drone League racer
  63. Replace Papa John
  64. Professional poker player
  65. Insurance salesman
  66. Professional hypeman
  67. Start a new American Pie movie series
  68. CEO of Willy Gronka’s Chocolate Factory
  69. Bud Light spokesman

Our Favorite Five

That’s a lot to soak in, so we’re going to highlight and expand upon our favorite five potential new career paths.

Financial advisor

Seriously, there are legs to the financial advisor career path. Gronkowski reportedly lives off the money he earns from his endorsements and hasn’t spent a dime of the salary he made playing football, which is reportedly $41,160,132. He has a lot of reasons to play out his contract, which lasts another two seasons. At the conclusion of the 2019 season, he could pass $60 million.

When looking for a financial advisor, you want someone who can handle money wisely and believe it or not, Gronk does.

“I live off my marketing money and haven’t blown it on any big-money expensive cars, expensive jewelry or tattoos and still wear my favorite pair of jeans from high school,” Gronk wrote in his autobiography.

Football Ambassador to the Big Baller Brand – by Andrew Bernucca

Can you think of a better off the field pairing than retired Robert Gronkowski and Lavar Ball? Gronkowski is the lovable, talented successful goof who will be perfectly balanced out by the rarely lovable and rather untalented Lavar Ball.

Ball has shown a Kardashian level skill of co-tailing his way to success, mainly through his sons and their basketball abilities. With Gronk, Ball can break away from the family tree and start a whole new branch of the Big Baller Brand and start to have an effect on the NFL.

BBB has already gone international with LaMelo and LiAngelo Ball plying their trade in Lithuania. Maybe Gronk could even bring Big Baller Brand Football international and head to London to slam a few cold ones with the lads to help promote the sport over there. Lavar and Gronk would be a match made in heaven, and so would this post-retirement career path for Gronk.

WWE Superstar – by Dave Stevenson

Rob Gronkowski is no stranger to the WWE. Not only did he attend Wrestlemania 33, he helped Mojo Rawley win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

NFL players have been able to make successful transitions to professional wrestling in the past. The Rock, Ron Simmons, Bill Goldberg, and Roman Reigns are just a few recent examples. Gronkowski has the size Vince McMahon can’t resist and the charisma of a superstar. The WWE is always looking for fresh babyface talents. With his huge fan base and a lovable personality, Gronk has the potential to be one.

Fireball Spokesman– by Cheryl Wassenaar

It’s really the kind of moment that lives on in myth and legend even though the Patriots have since won another Super Bowl. Journey back for a moment. It’s 2015. The Patriots have just defeated the Seattle Seahawks. The parade is happening, and someone tosses Gronk a mini bottle of Fireball whiskey.

Not only does this delight Gronk in the video – the kind of delight that even a paid endorser sometimes has trouble conveying on camera – he flat out drinks the entire bottle in one go and spikes the glass bottle on the ground. Presumably, Fireball wouldn’t want him to spike every bottle in sight … or chug on camera … but the man loves the drink, and really, it would just be a way for Gronk to live his best life while we enjoy his, uh, joie de vivre for a little while longer.

Next Bachelor

Arie Luyendyk Jr. is the current bachelor, and he is pretty boring to watch. The potential bachelor pool has dried up so much they tagged in the former race car driver six years after he appeared on The Bachelorette season 8.

Enter Gronk, picture him spiking a handful of roses in front of the mansion.

He fits the bill as an eligible bachelor. Don’t forget, NFL stars have been the Bachelor before. Former New York Giants and San Francisco 49ers quarterback, and current ESPN analyst, Jesse Palmer once was the bachelor.

Gronk could be looking for love, and the folks at ABC could help him find his ride or die.

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