Which James Bond would win a gold medal in biathlon?

The biathlon is definitely the James Bond of Winter Olympics events. So how would the film Bonds do in the biathlon? Who would medal? We rank them.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, the biathlon would be the one Winter Olympic sport that James Bond would dominate. He’s usually pretty adept and chasing down people, on skis or no skis. We all know that Bond is the best shooter the MI6 has ever come across. He is the coolest dude in the world and the biathlon is the best Winter Olympic sport there is.

Over the years, we’ve all seen our fair share of James Bond movies. Whether you like the spy series or not, you’ve had to watch at least like half a dozen of them. If not, then you’ve totally played GoldenEye on Nintendo 64. Should that not be the case, well, you probably belong to Generation Z and probably don’t even know who James Bond is yet. Embarrassing.

So what we are going to try to do here is power rank all six actors that have portrayed James Bond in film because television Bonds obviously don’t count on who would be the best biathlete. Sure, it would only be a six-man race, but I would tune in to watch this theoretical biathlon competition for sure. Wouldn’t you?

So let’s get to it and rank some Bonds on if they would be good or not at the biathlon. Let’s be real for a few seconds. There is a clear gap between No. 4 and No. 5. So there’s really only like four Bonds that could win a medal. Just because a guy has better acting chops doesn’t mean can dominate other Bonds in cross-country skiing and shooting a rifle. Keep that in mind.

6. George Lazenby

I can’t even begin to believe we actually have to talk about this guy. Technically, George Lazenby was in one Bond film, so yes, he has to be on here. If there were to be another actor added to the Bond canon, Lazenby is forever last at everything that comes to being James Bond.

He’s horrible. I mean, they brought back the ancient Sean Connery for one more film before they found a suitable replacement in the late Roger Moore. I’m not even sure what Lazenby looks like. Let’s put it this way. If you’re best known for being the worst James Bond ever, that just stinks.

Now in terms of Lazenby’s biathlon abilities, I seriously question if he can even get his equipment on right. It is debatable if he has a clue what snow is. Odds are, he would topple over at the starting line with three-quarters of his equipment on and give up a minute into crawling on the snow. He’s got a better chance of navigating Atlanta traffic in a snowstorm than medalling in the biathlon.

Truth be told, Lazenby would just have to walk instead of cross-country ski. So that would absolutely disqualify him from the race, no doubt. Like his time being James Bond, George Lazenby’s time as a biathlete would be sadly forgettable. He’d be replaced by the Jamaican bobsled team for “entertainment purposes” two minutes in. I think we’d all enjoy that more.