Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers and friends. It’s the only day each year where it’s acceptable to eat hearts.
Players all around the NBA are celebrating the day by sending gifts to their secret crushes and significant others. Thanks to a secret spy in the post office, I have gotten my hands on gifts being sent by various players around the league.
To: The Rivers Family
From: Chris Paul
Gift: Clint Capela
Message: Behind you
To: Dwyane Wade
From LeBron James
Gift: A gift basket containing wine, photos of the two throughout the years, His & Her wine glasses, and mouthwash.
Message: We cool?
To: Gaul Peorge
From: Magic Johnson
Gift: Lakers media guide
Message: Dear player currently not on the Lakers. I hope this media guide finds you well. It features our current roster to help you familiarize yourself. There is no hidden intention behind this guide. I am sending it to you as a scouting report when we see you in the playoffs. *winking face* If you need contact information for any of the players, please let me know. They are open to talking with you and exposing their tendencies because we want you to succeed. We take great pride in being a team that helps players on other teams.
To: Tom Thidodeau
From: Derrick Rose
Gift: 2011 MVP
Message: One more than Jeff Teague ever gave you
To: The NBA
From: The Toronto Raptors
Gift: A map
Message: Since you can’t seem to find us on your television schedule
To: Marcin Gortat
From: John Wall
Gift: A spoon
Message: Shut up
To: Other General Managers
From: Chris Wallace
Gift: 19-5-5
Message: Please send back a first-round pick and a young player. If you send back anything less, the gift will expire and cost me millions.
To: Isaiah Thomas
From: Kyrie Irving
Gift: Nothing
Message: The true gift is the appreciation
To: Kevin Durant
From: Not Kevin Durant
Gift: A giant teddy bear
Message: You are loved. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t loved and that you aren’t the best. You are the best.
Next: The Encyclopedia of Modern Moves
To: The Rivers Family
From: Blake Griffin
Gift: Andre Drummond
Message: Behind you