Murder on the Doncic Express

“Yes, officer? I’d like to report a crime — yes, it’s the bottom third of the league, they’ve given up all pretenses of trying to win games.”

The NBA season has progressed to the point now where playoff contenders are trying to win games to secure a postseason berth or improve their seeding, and on the other side of the spectrum, lottery contenders are doing everything they can to try to secure a top-five pick.

When Adam Silver and the NBA Board of Governors passed lottery reform in September, that “solved tanking” by lowering the worst team’s chances of obtaining the No. 1 overall pick from 25 percent to 14 percent — and the No. 2 and 3 worst teams would have the same percentage chance as well. This would begin for the 2019 draft, meaning that the final chance to have the best odds at the first pick would be for the 2018 draft.

Unfortunately for the truly terrible teams in the league, too many of their bad general managers failed to launch their tank offensive earlier in the season, and their teams were winning games. Last season, the Nets had the worst record with a 20-62 record, followed by the Suns at 24-58. Two years ago, the 76ers tanked for Ben Simmons, and finished with a 10-72 record, followed by the Lakers at 17-65.

This year, the Suns have already won 18 games — but there are five other teams (Atlanta, Dallas, Orlando, Sacramento, Memphis) that have just 18 wins too, with Brooklyn at 19 wins and Chicago at 20.

With the trade deadline weeks ago, and the All-Star break passed, it’s time to embark on the Doncic Express — a train ride where each stop is a loss, nobody wins, and winning is discouraged.

Who is riding on the Doncic Express? Where is it going? Which team will be most effective at losing the most games possible? Time to put on a detective hat and solve this crime.

New York Knicks

Record: 24-37

Games Remaining: 21

Games against tanking teams: 4

Best tanking asset: Emmanuel Mudiay

Worst tanking asset: Kristaps Porzingis

Unfortunately for the Knicks, they were too good earlier this season to truly have a shot at getting a top-3 pick in the draft. While Porzingis was averaging 22 points a game and helping them to wins, his ACL tear meant that it was time to stoke the furnace and get that tank train rolling as fast as possible. They’ve won one game since their franchise player got hurt — against Orlando — snapping an eight-game losing streak, but they got back on track with a loss to Boston.

A trade for Emmanuel Mudiay means that they’ll be able to start one of the worst point guards in the league down the stretch, all in the name of development. They should never play Jarrett Jack for more than 10 minutes a game, choosing instead to let Frank Ntilikina, Trey Burke, and Mudiay drive their train into loss after loss. With just four games remaining against tanking teams, that gives them a good shot to finish the season with just 28 wins. Two games against Cleveland to finish the season is dangerous — the Cavs could be resting players, and Enes Kanter may want to make a statement against LeBron, even if the Cavs star is on the bench.

Chicago Bulls

Record: 20-39

Games Remaining: 23

Games against tanking teams: 9

Best tanking asset: Cameron Payne

Worst tanking asset: A 10-4 December record

The Bulls have begun resting Robin Lopez and Jerian Grant, choosing to give minutes to Cristiano Felicio and Cameron Payne in their stead. This decision couldn’t have come any sooner, because with nine games remaining, they are going to have a difficult time avoiding wins. They have three more games against the Nets, for example, and it’s going to be tough to lose all three of those games.

Half of their wins came during a hot streak in December — they have to be kicking themselves for not sitting Nikola Mirotic on the second night of back-to-backs. They also have to deal with Zach LaVine playing for his next contract, and trying to prove himself after surgery to fix a torn ACL. I know it meant a lot for LaVine to get a win against the Timberwolves, but wins like that are really counterproductive.

Brooklyn Nets

Record: 19-41

Games Remaining: 22

Games against tanking teams: 7

Best tanking asset: Jarrett Allen, Jahlil Okafor, Nik Stauskas

Worst tanking asset: Spencer Dinwiddie

The Nets don’t even have their 2018 first or second round pick — there is no incentive to tank for a draft pick, but here we are, with the Nets having lost 12 of their last 13 games. They have already resorted to starting Jarrett Allen at center, but haven’t started another big man alongside him in weeks, with Rondae Hollis-Jefferson out with an injury.

Spencer Dinwiddie gave them their best moment of the season with a win in the All-Star Skills Competition, and with that in hand, he shouldn’t be starting anymore games the rest of the season. Start D’Angelo Russell, start Allen Crabbe, play Okafor and Stauskas, and see what kind of team they’ll have next season. The results of the games don’t matter, all that matters now is developing their young players.

Memphis Grizzlies

Record: 18-40

Games Remaining: 24

Games against tanking teams: 7

Best tanking asset: Deyonta Davis, Ivan Rabb

Worst tanking asset: Marc Gasol, Tyreke Evans

The Grizzlies are doing things right. They haven’t won a game since January, and Marc Gasol is missing games under the DNP-CD label. With Mike Conley Jr. out already, they should try to bench Gasol as much as possible. They messed up by not trading Tyreke Evans, and now he’s out with a rib injury, so luckily (for the front office) they won’t have to worry about him spoiling potential losses.

They started Andrew Harrison-Dillon Brooks-Jarell Martin-JaMychal Green-Deyonta Davis against the Heat, and their next move should be swapping Rabb in for Green. Play Kobi Simmons 25 minutes a night. Have Ben McLemore shoot 15 field goal attempts per game. With seven games against tanking teams, they need to wholly commit to fielding a roster that gives them the lowest possible odds of winning.

Sacramento Kings

Record: 18-41

Games Remaining: 23

Games against tanking teams: 7

Best tanking asset: Buddy Hield, Justin Jackson, Bruno Caboclo

Worst tanking asset: Zach Randolph, Vince Carter

The Kings are in a tough position, with seven games against tanking teams, and they made the decision to commit to young players weeks ago. Unfortunately, they are still playing Zach Randolph and Vince Carter — why, I’m not certain. This needs to stop.

The perfect tank move for the Kings would be to start Caboclo instead of Randolph. The owner of the “two years away from being two years away” is a NBA player by virtue of being drafted only, but gives the Kings a player they can put on the court and truly say, “We’re not sure what he can do.”

Four of their final five games are on the road, giving them a chance to avoid embarrassment in front of their homecourt fans. They’ve been in the lottery for years, they know what needs to happen to secure another lottery pick.

Orlando Magic

Record: 18-41

Games Remaining: 23

Games against tanking teams: 8

Best tanking asset: Mario Hezonja

Worst tanking asset: Nikola Vucevic, Aaron Gordon

Remember when the Magic were 8-4 at the beginning of the season? They’ve won just 10 games since Nov. 10, and would be worse if it weren’t for a three-game win streak in February that could be the difference in them missing the No. 1 overall pick.

Unfortunately, they’ve brought Aaron Gordon and Nikola Vucevic back, after their two best players were out with injuries. I don’t understand this move, especially if they are committed to matching any contract Gordon receives in restricted free agency. Both players could be back next season, and playing them for the rest of the season, with eight games against tanking teams, could mean they finish with the No. 7 or 8 seed. They’re not even good at being not good.

Dallas Mavericks

Record: 18-42

Games Remaining: 22

Games against tanking teams: 6

Best tanking asset: Dennis Smith Jr.

Worst tanking asset: Dirk Nowitzki, Harrison Barnes

The Mavericks have a really good shot at a top-three pick in the draft, thanks to some astute asset management by their front office and Nerlens Noel’s affinity for hot dogs. They have wins over the Lakers and Kings earlier this month, but countered that by losing to both those teams to bracket the All-Star break.

They’ve already had their highlight this season with Nowitzki reaching 50,000 career points, and it’s time to pack things in for the lottery. As much as it will chafe Rick Carlisle, the Mavs need to shelve J.J. Barea (17 points, 12 assists in 33 minutes in their game against Utah) and give more shots to Dennis Smith Jr. The only way he’s going to improve is by making mistakes, and he’s doing that a lot lately, which is great for the Mavs. Six games against tanking teams hurts, especially when the Hawks only have four, but they have as good of a shot as anyone. No more wins!

Atlanta Hawks

Record: 18-42

Games Remaining: 22

Games against tanking teams: 4

Best tanking asset: DeAndre Bembry, Isaiah Taylor

Worst tanking asset: Dennis Schroder

Now we’re talking about teams that truly have no skilled NBA players — their tank train is cruising downhill, no brakes, full steam ahead. They’re keeping players like Dewayne Dedmon out of the second half of games, they’re giving G-League players 20 plus minutes a night, and they can sit Schroder with “back pain” intermittently, but hopefully against tanking teams. They finally have run out of reasons to start John Collins, and need to give their 2017 first round pick thirty minutes a night — let him foul out if necessary, just give him maximum playing opportunities. Let DeAndre Bembry lead the offense for the second unit — do whatever it takes to get Luka Dončić.

Of their four remaining games against tanking teams, only one is on the road, which is unfortunate, because with a 5-25 record, they are the worst road team in the league. Their last five games of the season are against potential playoff teams, which gives them a great shot to outrest their opponent and extend a losing streak into the end of the season.

Next: The Encyclopedia of Modern Moves

Phoenix Suns

Record: 18-43

Games Remaining: 21

Games against tanking teams: 5

Best tanking asset: Josh Jackson, Dragan Bender, Marquese Chriss

Worst tanking asset: Tyson Chandler, Devin Booker

No team is more pathetic than the Phoenix Suns. Will Barton of the Denver Nuggets joked on the “Road Trippin'” podcast with Richard Jefferson that their whole team, outside of Devin Booker and T.J. Warren, should be playing in the G-League, and to honest, he’s not completely wrong. They made a move to find a starting point guard for next season by trading for Elfrid Payton, but Payton is playing too well this season for the Suns. Even though they haven’t won since acquiring him, the former Orlando Magic guard is averaging 16-8-7 for the Suns. What are they thinking? Let Shaquille Harrison and Troy Daniels run the point, they can’t afford to be losing games 106-104 to teams like Portland.

The Suns have lost 14 of their last 15 games, but they really could benefit from finishing the season with under 20 wins. They have the worst point differential in the league at -8.9, and it’s time to push that to double digits. No other team has as many losses as they do, but with the mix of remaining games plus losses, they could move anywhere from first to fifth in the coming weeks.

At least we already know that they know how to celebrate losses properly. Maybe Booker can go for 72 points against some team like the Pelicans or Clippers so the fans in Arizona can see something good.