Sean Payton: Game show host
“Welcome to Pick-a-Number, America! I’m your host, Sean Payton and together we’re going to have a blast tonight as we watch our contestants…. Pick! A! Number! That’s right, four aspiring ten-thousandaires will be competing tonight to guess the number between 1 and 47 that I’m thinking of. If they get it right, cash and prizes will be theirs! Get it wrong and they go home empty-handed but for the immense sense of shame that can only come from guessing an incorrect number on live, national television! I’m Sean Payton, let’s get these numbers… picked!”
Dirk Koetter: Airline pilot
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers mascot might be a swashbuckling pirate and their home stadium features a pirate ship, but head coach Dirk Koetter isn’t about the terrestrial or aquatic pursuits. No, he’s all about navigating the friendly skies, helping frustrated adults, screaming babies and, on occasion, an emotional support peacock make it safely from point A to point B, or at least to the purgatory that is Hartsfield-Jackson airport in Atlanta.
With in-cabin quips like “This is your speaking pilot… I mean, your pilot speaking,” and “Don’t be wasteful and scream when the oxygen masks drop,” he’s known for being quite the cutup. Koetter is also known for his terrible flight efficiency; his planes have arrived at their destinations on-time just 45 percent of the time, yet no one knows why, not even him.