Which fast food joint most accurately represents your NFL team?

Auntie Anne’s slogan is “The Perfect Pretzel”. This is an oxymoron. There is no such thing as a perfect pretzel. The beauty of the pretzel is that it is not perfect. You can shape it however you want, it tastes all the same.

Auntie Anne’s has these kits that you can buy from them where you create your own pretzel. These kits are a much better investment than the frozen Auntie Anne’s pretzels that you can buy at grocery stores with the pre-made pretzels that you just heat up.

In these kits, they give you instructions on how to made the pretzel. There is a layout sheet that shows you how to fold over the pretzel to make that “perfect pretzel.”

I don’t follow that nonsense. I just create my own pretzel. Some are shaped like a braided twist. Others are shaped like hearts. I even make little pretzel balls. There is no wrong way to make a pretzel. It all comes out the same in the end.

This is the Dolphins philosophy. There is no such thing as a perfect football team. People may think that the New England Patriots do things the right way and are “The Perfect NFL Franchise” but that’s not true. There are many ways to succeed in the NFL.

The Dolphins are me with that Auntie Anne’s pretzel kit. They could follow a formula, but they’d rather just create whatever they can out of the tools given. Quarterback goes down? Sign Jay Cutler. Need to make a splash? Throw a bunch of money Ndamukong Suh and Julius Thomas. Forget about character issues, draft Laremy Tunsil.

No matter how they craft their team, they’re still going to play 16 games and Darius Rucker cry.