25 most bizarre goalie masks in NHL history

No. 19: Gary ‘Cobra’ Simmons

Speaking of not being subtle. Sometimes you just have to throw a giant snake on your mask and call it a day. Gary Simmons did.

It’s not even that he put a snake on there to begin with. He could have chosen anywhere on his mask to have it painted. Like the side, maybe. Two snakes dueling on either spot of his head. Perhaps one snake coiling itself around the entirety of the mask.

Nope. Just going to stick this right here in the middle of my face. Think anyone will notice?

Simmons, like Bromley, wasn’t what one would label a “good goalie.” He only played four seasons in the NHL before bowing out, hopefully to pursue a career in karate, snake charming or as a Mexican wrestler. Go with your strengths, we say.

Then again, when goaltending is your job and you’re pretty weak at it, you have to compensate somewhere. So why not try to make the opposition pee in their pants every shift? Because that’d get messy real quick. A lad like Gary Simmons didn’t care, though. That’s how it is when a few bolts have come unhinged.

Teammates and fans nicknamed him “Cobra” for his reflexes. That’s what they say. It’s a good bet though that they just wanted to see if he’d take the name too far and paint a giant friggin’ snake on his head. These goalies seem to be pretty easily persuaded.

Here’s a short clip of that….thing in action. There are no words.

We like the choice of the all-black background, also. How else is anyone supposed to notice that thing?