Fansided

ARE THE CELTICS BETTER OFF WITHOUT GORDON HAYWARD AND KYRIE IRVING?!?

By Paul Centopani

BOSTON, MA - SEPTEMBER 1: Kyrie Irving and Gordon Hayward get introduced as Boston Celtics on September 1, 2017 at the TD Garden in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2017 NBAE (Photo by Brian Babineau/NBAE via Getty Images)
BOSTON, MA - SEPTEMBER 1: Kyrie Irving and Gordon Hayward get introduced as Boston Celtics on September 1, 2017 at the TD Garden in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2017 NBAE (Photo by Brian Babineau/NBAE via Getty Images) /
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THE FOLLOWING IS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE ALL CAPS IS THE ONLY FONT CAPABLE OF CONTAINING THE LEVEL OF SPICE THIS FIVE-ALARM HOT-TAKE INFERNO CONVEYS.

*STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TOWN SQUARE, UNFURLS PROCLAMATION SCROLL*

AHEM…THE 2017-18 BOSTON CELTICS ARE BETTER WITHOUT GORDON HAYWARD AND KYRIE IRVING. THEIR TWO STAR OFFSEASON ACQUISITIONS ARE OVERRATED.

THEY’RE CURRENTLY UP 2-0 AND DISPARAGING MILWAUKEE IN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS. YES, THE PLAYOFFS. AKA THAT TIME OF THE YEAR WHEN IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HARDER TO WIN.

I MEAN, IS HAYWARD EVEN THAT GOOD? BOSTON GOT A GRAND TOTAL OF FIVE MINUTES FROM HIM THIS SEASON AND CRUISED TO 55 WINS. UTAH, THE TEAM HE RUDELY LEFT HIGH AND DRY, WRESTLED UP THE FIFTH-SEED IN THE WEST AND 48 WINS WITHOUT HIM. THE JAZZ ONLY WON THREE FEWER GAMES SANS THEIR “BEST” PLAYER?

HIS FIVE MINUTES OF ACTION IN CELTIC GREEN NETTED A PLUS/MINUS OF +3. BOSTON’S NET RATING ON THE YEAR WAS +3.7. COINCIDENCE, IT WENT UP WITH HAYWARD NO LONGER BUMBLING AROUND? ABSOLUTELY MAYBE. ALL I KNOW IS, YOU CAN’T ARGUE AGAINST THE NUMBERS.

THEN, OF COURSE, THERE’S IRVING. YOU NEED A BIG SHOT MADE? HOW ABOUT SOMEONE TO PUT THE BALL ON A STRING AND MAKE AN IMPOSSIBLE-ANGLED LAYUP OVER MEN OF UNUSUAL SIZE? OR DO YOU WANT TO DISCUSS FLAT-EARTH CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND WHETHER OR NOT WE LANDED ON THE MOON? IRVING’S YOUR GUY.

BUT IF YOU WANT TO WIN? PROBABLY NOT. IN SEASONS WITHOUT THE UNASSAILABLE LEBRON JAMES BY HIS SIDE, IRVING’S WINNING PERCENTAGE IS .436. IS THAT MOSTLY DUE TO CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE OF LANDING ON A BAD TEAM DURING HIS FORMATIVE YEARS? OR IT’S BECAUSE HE’S MORE SIZZLE THAN STEAK.

IRVING’S USAGE RATE WAS 30.7 PERCENT THIS SEASON. NO CELTIC WENT OVER 26 PERCENT SINCE HE’S BEEN OUT OF THE LINEUP. MAYBE GUYS PLAY BETTER WHEN THE BALL MOVES MORE. EVERYBODY EATS! CONTRIBUTIONS COME FROM ALL OVER NOW; JAYLEN BROWN AND JAYSON TATUM EXPANDED THEIR ROLES AND TAPPED INTO THEIR CAVERNOUS POTENTIALS EARLY. AL HORFORD GETS TO DO MORE AL HORFORD THINGS. MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE HAVE SCARY TERRY ROZIER.

Next: Young guards lead Celtics over Bucks in Game 2: 3 takeaways

IRVING’S PRESENCE IN THE LINEUP WOULD HAVE BLOCKED ROZIER’S LAVA-SPEWING ASCENT AND THIS GORGEOUS EXCHANGE IN DISRESPECTFUL PETTINESS FROM EVER HAPPENING. ROZIER PUNKING ERIC BLEDSOE AND RUINING HIS CAREER IS THE BEST THING GOING ON IN THE NBA RIGHT NOW.

THE CELTICS ALREADY WON SO MUCH EVEN IF THEY DON’T WIN THE TITLE. AND TO THINK, ALL THIS CAME WITHOUT THEIR TWO “STAR” PLAYERS.

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