2018 Kentucky Derby field: Ranking the horses by name

So, ultimately a combination of speed, smarts (from the jockey), heart (from the horse), and luck win the Kentucky Derby. But what if how well the horse had been named, and how they lived up to that name were taken into account?

We know Justify is currently the betting favorite for the Kentucky Derby. We don’t know for sure if we will remain as such until the race on Saturday, or if he will win. However, he is definitely not number one in this ranking. Why? Because this is a ranking of the Derby Field, not based off how they have run or will run, but based off how awesome (or not) their names are.

Predictably, when the owners/breeders of each of the Derby horses named them, some stepped up to the challenge and others did not. One of these horses will have their name forever remembered in racing lore after this weekend, but not all will be equally thankful for it. For every Derby winner with a name like Whirlaway (1941) there’s one like Big Brown (2008). That alone goes to show you that the greatness of a name alone has nothing to do with the end result of any race. In 2008 there were horses named Visionaire and Pyro, who only finished 12th and eighth respectively.

While relatively few horses in the 2018 Derby Field had truly cringeworthy names, several were kind of generic. In fact, one or two legitimately sound like names that a 12-year-old girl would come up with for her first horse. I was one of those girls, but never had to come up with a name for a horse that young, which was probably a good thing.

Without further ado, here’s how the finishing order of the Kentucky Derby would go, if the horse with the best name always won.