World Cup Day 1 awards: The 48-team World Cup is definitely a good idea
Russia enjoyed a big win over Saudi Arabia in the opening game of the World Cup. Let’s hand out some awards.
The World Cup got underway Thursday, as Russia thrashed Saudi Arabia 5-0 in front of their home fans in the opener. What better way to celebrate than by handing out some awards?
The Saudi Arabia Award for Inauspicious Tournament Openings: Saudi Arabia
Saudi Arabia played their first World Cup match in 16 years on Thursday. As any Miroslav Klose fan worth their salt will tell you, the last one didn’t get off to such a great start either, as they lost 8-0 to a Klose-inspired Germany. Russia, on the other hand, can be thrilled with their performance. The only down side was a serious-looking injury to Alan Dzagoev, but if his replacement, Denis Cheryshev, maintains his current two-goal-a-game pace, the Russians will go far.
The Lady Gaga Award for Poker Faces: Vladimir Putin
What is the worst kind of speech? The obligatory pre-major-sporting-event speech, of course. If you must give one, though, you may as well give one like Vladimir Putin: Perfunctorily, without a single trace of emotion, as if it is just as much a chore for you as it is for the tens of thousands of people forced to listen to you in a language they don’t understand. Gianni Infantino, whose speech followed Putin’s, clearly didn’t get the memo, smiling and talking (in Russian!) and generally deigning to allow the masses to partake in that very special brand of self-satisfaction FIFA so excels at. Putin did it better.
The El Traffico Award for El Clasico Spinoffs: El Gasico
Russia vs. Saudi Arabia, 67 vs. 70 in the world, the one we’d all been waiting for. El Gasico, they called it. And if gas is what they wanted, gas is what they got, from Saudi Arabia at least (please, we’re all adults here). As nicknames go, it was pretty good, even it was designed as a shot at some vaguely defined political unpleasantness in the air. It hasn’t achieved Wikipedia page status, like all the best El Clasico spinoffs, or at least one El Clasico spinoff, but it’ll surely only be a few 48-team World Cups before we get there. Speaking of which.
Next: The best player on every team at the World Cup
The Sepp Blatter Award for the 48-team World Cup Is Definitely A Great And Not At All A Terrible Idea: Russia vs. Saudi Arabia
Whether or not it happens in Qatar four years from now or in the U.S. in 2026, the 48-team World Cup is coming. And if you weren’t impressed with Saudi Arabia today, wait ‘til you get a load of Azerbaijan. Exciting stuff. Perhaps that’s too cynical a take on what was a rousing tournament opener for the hosts, Russia, who took a big step toward the round of 16 with their win. Still, if there’s a worse team in this tournament than the Green Falcons, well … it’s probably Panama (nailed it).
The Mario Gotze Award for Super Subs: Denis Cheryshev
Denis Cheryshev made history on Thursday night, becoming the first substitute ever to score in a World Cup opener. And the goals were not only historic; they were also very, very good, the first a powerful finish set up by as delicate a first touch as you’ll see all tournament, the second a beautiful outside-of-the-foot finish from 20-plus yards. The opposition, the game in general, wasn’t great, but Cheryshev’s performance was befitting of the occasion.