Winner No. 5: Adrian Wojnarowski is unkillable
ESPN said Woj couldn’t tweet picks out. This was never going to work, obviously, because Woj’s installed Skynet in his Blackberry in 2011 and has profited off it ever since. He knows the date of your grandchildren’s graduation from high school, and will mail you a personalized letter with that information in 2052. He already has the letter written.
Woj played along, though, and didn’t use the standard tweets for tipping picks five, ten, or fifteen minutes before they happen. Instead, he scoffed at ESPN’s memo, and flippantly tipped every pick using cute terms of his own. Look at the raw power and influence oozing out of this man. A tweet has never more conveyed a sense of “just absolutely AIN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR AUTHORITY, SIR”
Look forward to next fall when Woj releases the 2021 draft order by carrier pigeons he lets loose in the Bristol offices. Of course they pooped everywhere. You’ll have to pay to get that cleaned, yes, but Woj still expects the check in the mail on Monday because he owns you, ESPN.