
Winner No. 5: Adrian Wojnarowski is unkillable
ESPN said Woj couldnāt tweet picks out. This was never going to work, obviously, because Wojās installed Skynet in his Blackberry in 2011 and has profited off it ever since. He knows the date of your grandchildrenās graduation from high school, and will mail you a personalized letter with that information in 2052. He already has the letter written.
Woj played along, though, and didnāt use the standard tweets for tipping picks five, ten, or fifteen minutes before they happen. Instead, he scoffed at ESPNās memo, and flippantly tipped every pick using cute terms of his own. Look at the raw power and influence oozing out of this man. A tweet has never more conveyed a sense of ājust absolutely AINāT CARE ABOUT YOUR AUTHORITY, SIRā
Look forward to next fall when Woj releases the 2021 draft order by carrier pigeons he lets loose in the Bristol offices. Of course they pooped everywhere. Youāll have to pay to get that cleaned, yes, but Woj still expects the check in the mail on Monday because he owns you, ESPN.