Ice-Cold Takes Summer Tournament Round 1: Fortnite vs. hockey movies

Ice-Cold takes is a weekly humor column covering what is trending around the NHL. All results of the tournament are decided by the UHWA (unprofessional hockey writers association).

It’s me. The UHWA is just me.

It’s the third week of the ICT summer tournament and we’re right in the thick of it this week with a matchup between two of your favorite pastimes. What do you and an NHL player have in common during the summer? A golfing habit, probably, but also the desire to make it to October and have hockey back in your life.

Until then, you both find ways to keep busy and stay connected with the hockey world. There’s only so much Twitter analyzing and arguing one can do in a day, so we fill the rest of the down time with Fortnite and our favorite hockey movies.

We’re at the point in the offseason where the initial signings and madness has slowed down but it’s too early for anything fun like fantasy hockey. So we keep busy by reading up on our teams, complaining about how hot it is and whatever the hell this guy is doing.

Clearly some of us are taking it better than others. If you’re playing catch up, here are the results from Weeks 1 and 2 of the tournament. This week’s showdown starts now.

Fortnite

By now, we’re all well award that NHL players and Fortnite go hand-in-hand. These guys are playing so much Fortnite during the NHL season that the offseason only means it’s time to ramp up your hours on the battle bus.

Minnesota Wild forward JT Brown has recently proven this when he went on a 24-hour Fortnite marathon to raise money for the “Hockey is for Everyone” charity. The best part about this is how relatable his wife Lexi is when it comes to dealing with a Fortnite player. Excuse her language (by which I mean put yourself in her shoes):

The last line cuts deep as I often hear similar words from my better half. Ouch. Speaking of cutting deep, Auston Matthews took a hard shot at his Goaltender Freddy Andersen about his Fortnite skills when asked which player on the team could use some improvement:

Say what you will about the game but the list of NHLers that are all-in on Fortnite is way too long for this column. And no, everyone, I am not just including this because of my personal obsession with addiction to the game.

Hockey Movies

You may be thinking “Wait. So this guy is going to spend his whole summer watching hockey movies and playing video games? What an idiot.” No. Summers are busy and there are a ton of fun things to do outside but when September rolls around and you start getting that itch to watch hockey, there are two movies that need to be on your list.

In fact, these two movies alone are going to headline the “hockey movie” entry in this tournament. We’re not talking Mighty Ducks, Miracle or Slap Shot. Mystery Alaska was great, Goon was hilarious and you could make the argument that Happy Gilmore is a hockey movie but we’re not talking about those either.

The two hockey movies you need to see this summer: The Tooth Fairy and Youngblood.

The Tooth Fairy is a children’s movie about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, a 6’3″ 240 pound Samoan as an ice hockey bruiser who gets in trouble with the tooth fairy for being an asshole. His punishment is that he has to serve time as a tooth fairy apprentice and sneak into houses collecting teeth. Not sold? Just look at this picture:

Believe it or not, this movie was financially successful. Despite what the critics say, you should watch it, if for no other reason than getting to see The Rock goon it up and destroy people on skates.

The second movie is more traditional. Youngblood is about young hotshot Rob Lowe getting sent up to Canada to play with a struggling junior team featuring Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves with a bad french accent. Yes, actually.

It features every single actor your mom wanted to hook up with in high school, some of the greatest lettuce you’ll ever see and the best 80’s training montage outside of the Rocky franchise.

This is a staple when it comes to getting ready for hockey season and it needs to be added to your preseason repertoire.

Winner: Fortnite

After talking up Youngblood so much it’s hard not to back hockey movies but the fact is, they just aren’t making good hockey movies anymore. Let this be a plea to all of the movie making company people (I have no idea how movies are made) that the world needs more damn hockey movies!

Fortnite is your winner, by a mile. The game is woven into the lives of hockey players like the names and numbers stitched onto the backs of their jerseys.

It’s so big that it’s becoming a part of training camp (kind of). Here are the Carolina Hurricanes prospects touring Epic Games’ facility and getting a chance to squad up together for the day.

The love that hockey players have for Fortnite is going to be a hard out in this tournament and until the next round, it’s going to continue to take over the lives of these athletes (and piss off their significant others).

Next: Which Game of Thrones characters would make the best hockey players?

Next week, in the final showdown of Round 1, we have fantasy drafts taking on the only thing Alex Burrows was ever good at, ball hockey. Once we’re through these two, the action really heats up in the second round.

Until then, keep your head up.