Ice-Cold takes is a weekly humor column covering what is trending around the NHL. In the final week of Round 1 of the summer tournament, we look at two trends that everybody dislikes.
Dryland training and ball hockey. One is horrible to do, but fun to watch, one is fun to do but horrible to watch. Together, they form the two ways that hockey players stay in shape through the offseason.
Before we dive into the tournament, there are some important NHL news stories we need to cover. Just kidding; absolutely nothing is going on right now in the NHL that isn’t trade speculation we’ve been hearing about for the last month.
Neither Erik Karlsson nor Artemi Panarin have been traded yet and the hockey world is waiting patiently for both to move.
Our friends at RumorBreak first broke the rumor that Erik Karlsson was definitely going to Tampa Bay (not wrong yet). They’ve also reported that the Boston Bruins are in the mix for Panarin. Let’s check in with RumorBreak and see if there is anything new to report.
Alrighty then.
If you want competent coverage on NHL news, head over to fellow FanSider Simon Vacca‘s column here. It’s time to dive into this week’s tournament match up, starting with a little bit of off-ice training.
Dryland Training
What are you doing, you keener? It’s July! You don’t have to be in hockey shape for another two months!
Dryland is what hockey players call working out in the summer. They had to invent a special name for it because simply saying “work outs” would make it lose its aura. While it’s still relatively early, most players have picked up some sort of work out routine at this point (we hope).
The word “dryland” originated from two separate words, “dry” and “land,” meaning it happens off the ice. This term makes us believe the athletes are doing some sort of high-end specialty training, when really it just means they have to cut back on drinking for a few weeks and get some of their cardio back.
As you can see in the video, they start slow. “An introduction to some movement” sounds like a line that would be used at a senior aqua-fit class, not by world-class athletes. In this next video you can see members of the San Jose Sharks doing an intense stretching routine:
Jokes aside, these athletes work their asses off in the summer. Only 23 players get to party with the Stanley Cup in the offseason. You best believe every other one of them is working hard to get that opportunity next year. If not, they’ll soon be out of the league, playing our next trend.
Ball Hockey
Do you like watching washed up middle-aged athletes play a slower version of hockey while jawing at each other and occasionally fighting in front of their families? Boy, do we have a sport for you! It’s ball hockey season!
I swear to God all we do at ball hockey is fight fathers
— nikko (@NikkoPetti) July 5, 2015
First two minutes at ball hockey and see two dads fight #LetsDoThis #nuts
— Jordan Babb (@babbj24) July 14, 2013
Ball hockey, the redheaded step child of ice hockey, is what hockey players who never quite made it do to quench their thirst for competition during the summer. Much like it’s counterpart “indoor soccer,” it’s both extremely fun to play and violently boring to watch (until the fighting starts).
Ball hockey’s most famous athlete is Alex Burrows, which should tell you everything you need to know about the sport. If you don’t know who Alex Burrows is, you probably don’t hate anyone in the NHL who used to be in the NHL.
If you’re thinking about going down to the local outdoor rink and playing or watching a game, do it. But be warned, it’s likely going to be very chippy and you may have to drop the gloves a few times. Here is how every ball hockey game ends.
Winner: Dryland training
Ball hockey lost this week because I don’t ever want to mention Alex Burrows again. Dryland training is just getting started. In fact, the current state of the NHL can be summed up as “an introduction to some movement” and you know it’s only getting better from here.
As the season approaches, players work harder and harder to get the edge on their competition. The all-encompassing dryland training is an umbrella trend for all of the upcoming unique work outs, like this one:
https://twitter.com/Vlasic44/status/1019671650894340099
We’re officially through round 1 of the summer tournament. For those of you following along at home, here is how the bracket looks so far:
Next week hosts the semi-final showdown between Golf and Fortnite. It’s sure to be a battle between these two fan favorites, but there can only be one ICT Tournament winner.
Until next week, keep your head up!