The most mythical players in today's NBA

The most mythical players in today’s NBA

CHICAGO, IL - MARCH 08: Derrick Rose #1 of the Chicago Bulls throws a pass past Dwight Howard #12 of the Orlando Magic during the NBA game on March 8, 2012 at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2012 NBAE (Photo by Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE via Getty Images) /

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BOSTON, MA – MAY 27: Jeff Green #32 of the Cleveland Cavaliers shoots the ball in the first half against the Boston Celtics during Game Seven of the 2018 NBA Eastern Conference Finals at TD Garden on May 27, 2018 in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images) /

Consistent Jeff Green

Headline: Jeff Green has signed a one-year deal with (Your Favorite Team).

You: Really? Jeff Green? Dude has played for like five teams in the past six years, doesn’t know which position he plays, and is now on the wrong side of 30.

You to You: That’s a good get. In odd-numbered games played on Tuesday and Thursday, Jeff Green averaged 17.3 points, 8.4 rebounds, 5.2 assists, 2 steals, and 1.2 blocks.

You: What about even numbered games on days that don’t start with a T?

You to You: We worry not about those days.

You: What do you mean, “We worry not about those days”? There are 82 games in a season. We’ve already determined that Green won’t show up for at least half of those games. The other half need to be played on a Tuesday or Thursday for him to be effective. At best, we’re getting a guy who is a good player 20 percent of the time.

You to You: And what if that 20 percent of the time works all of the time?

You: Have you ever seen Jeff Green play?

You to You: I have watched him play every odd numbered game on Tuesday and Thursday.

You: Great, so you believe he and Scott Pippen are the only two players in history to put up those numbers across an entire season?

You to You: Yes

You: Have you seen his career numbers?

You to You: I have seen his numbers from odd numbered games on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s.

You: And you believe that’s a fair representation of who Jeff Green is as a player?

You to You: It is a fair representation of him as a player with consistency.

Headline: Man goes insane trying to talk himself into Jeff Green signing.

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