Each NHL team’s most memorable hockey name

We’re digging deep into the NHL phone book to find the craziest, silliest and most memorable player names in the history of every franchise.

As a kid, I once asked my father, while we were watching hockey, of course, why all of the greatest players have such memorable names. Growing up in Texas, my NHL world consisted of Mike Modano, Brett Hull, Eddie Belfour and Joe Nieuwendyk, players you wouldn’t soon forget simply because who else even has awesome handles like that?

My father’s answer was quick: It’s not so much the name you’re given, but what you do with it. Huh. It wasn’t the expected response, probably because kids can be shockingly dimwitted, but it made a lot of sense.

Modano could have easily gone on to become a Trader Joe’s franchise owner instead of a hockey player. Brett Hull might have been the crazy neighbor who yells at you for looking at his lawn, as opposed to a dude in the Hall of Fame. Or would that be Eddie Belfour? We digress.

My father’s response has stuck with me for years. It comes about every so often when watching a game. That lingering sentiment of challenging yourself to achieve such a high level of success that people associate your name with greatness.

Then I found out that at one point there was a guy in the NHL named Morris Titanic and it pretty much went out the window. Sorry, Dad. Here, now, a list of kids whose parents hit a grand slam when naming their children.

Anaheim Ducks: Jean-Francois Jomphe

Right off the bat we have to ask: Is this dude a hockey player, a pirate or a co-captain in a Magellan fantasy exploration?

We’re going to go ahead and assume he was all three. I mean, the guy clearly has the look to not only battle in a rugged ‘90s era of hockey, but also to steal your heart in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRGNhT–TV0

The flowing locks, the scrappy attitude and that name. Substitute the hockey stick for a map and a nautical spyglass, and we’re set.

Jomphe didn’t play too long in the NHL, though he did swashbuckle his way to 111 games and 39 points. Maybe most importantly, this dude had 102 penalty minutes meaning he was racking them up per game like they were gold coins on a lost island.

Aside from the Anaheim Ducks, he also played for the Phoenix Coyotes, the Montreal Canadiens and an AHL team called the Baltimore Bandits. Because of course he did. Also, Jomphe really loved playing for bird teams. Like, he couldn’t get enough of them, which makes sense when you’re out on the sea and they become your only friend.

We mentioned the Ducks, but before and after them he played for the Sherbrooke Faucons, San Diego Gulls, Springfield Falcons, Krefeld Penguins and the Mannheim Eagles.

We understand a marauder’s got to do his research, but give it a bit of a rest, guy. You can explore the world without telling us all about it.

Honorable mentions: Tom Askey, Espen Knutsen, Devante Smith-Pelly, Robin Bawa, Teemu Selanne, Paul Kariya, Joe Day and Petr Tenkrat