The year is 2023, hockey is thriving and things look a whole lot different that they do right now.
Disclosure: To prevent a tear a hole in the space-time continuum, parts of this story may or may not be true. You’ll just have to wait to find out.
Recently, I went on a vacation. Some thought that this meant going to the lake or relaxing by the beach. That’s what normal people do when they have some time away from work, but those people don’t have a time machine. My trip was to the future — and there’s a lot of hockey happening there.
Those trying to predict the future always seem to be two steps ahead of actual events. The Jetson’s predicted flying cars, Back to the Future had (real) hoverboards and the world is not some sort of Mad Max dystopian wasteland. Although at times it feels as though we’re heading in that direction.
Let’s start by covering some of the basics:
The NHL in 2023 is a very different place. Players now play with large, inflatable helmets that prevent concussions but make them look like real-life versions of big head mode in the EA NHL games. It’s both effective and entertaining.
All games are watched with Virtual Reality headsets. Viewers can choose to watch from any camera angle and with as many friends as they want. It feels as though you are sitting at the game with your buds, except you are actually sitting at home in your underwear with a bag of chips.
Ps. Don’t be the bag-of-chips person in the VR world. Yes, we can all hear you crunching on every chip. Yes, it’s annoying.
Don Cherry is still on Coaches Corner (Canada) and Ron MacLean is still anxiously sitting next to him waiting to jump in and right the ship when he says something borderline offensive. Don’s chin-strap beard droops even lower than you thought possible, but his futuristic suits are still on point.
Don’s pronunciation of players’ names hasn’t gotten any better, though, and at times you question if he’s actually speaking English words.
For the American viewers, Pierre McGuire is still around and is still very annoying.
Aside from the changes in viewership, there are several key points to be covered from the next five years of hockey, so as 2024 presidential candidate Will Smith says, let’s “Get Jiggy With It.”
League expansion
Gary Bettman is still the NHL commissioner in 2023, so Quebec City still has not managed to bring the Nordiques back. Their massive NHL stadium is still generally unused but can be rented out for birthday parties at a reasonable hourly rate.
Both the Seattle Kraken and the Vegas Golden Knights are thriving in the NHL, selling out their respective arenas on the backs of solid teams in contention on a yearly basis. The 2023 Golden Knights, led by Connor McDavid (more on this later) are looking like they can make several Cup runs over the next few years.
Bettman has kept busy since the formal addition of the Seattle Kraken in 2020, as another two expansion teams will be added to the league in 2024: The Houston Spacewalkers and the Mexico City Chihuahuas.
The league will have 34 teams spanning three countries, Mexico being the newest endeavor, where hockey is taking over the streets. Kids are trading in soccer balls for hockey sticks and taking to the streets for some road hockey.
Rumors are swirling that a team could be relocated to Europe or somewhere in South America, but there definitely won’t be any new teams in Canada. Feeding one of multiple starving fan-bases that will pay %1000 more for tickets and merchandise is not a good business move.