Razing Arizona: Coyotes moving to Central due to NHL expansion

Hockey is finally coming to Seattle, but that’s not why the Central Division is grinning.

Back in ’71 — a few days before spring — The Jackson 5 released what would turn out to be one of the most covered songs in recorded history with “Never Can Say Goodbye.” You’ve heard it somewhere before; in mop commercials, in a dirty elevator, or probably while standing in line for overpriced peonies on Valentine’s Day (it’s a psychological ploy).

One place you might not expect to hear little Michael pelting out his adolescent heartache? The hockey arena. Or at least it was until this morning, as news broke that not only would the NHL be franchising a club in Seattle, but the Arizona Coyotes will also be leaving the Pacific Division for the Central.

Don’t worry, there’s plenty of time to grieve. All of this — the franchising and the moving and the naming and the renovating — it won’t take place until 2021-22. The kicker? Pacific foes — the Calgary Flames, Los Angeles Kings, San Jose Sharks, etc. — they aren’t sad in the way you might think.

You see, this isn’t about losing a buddy or a sibling or your best friend finding someone new. It’s about that kid bullies love to pick on suddenly skipping town and now the bully doesn’t have extra arcade money in his pocket.

For a long while, we’re going to be stuck on what to name this newborn grunge baby in the league. You’ll see plenty of words detailing Seattle’s player options and whether they can offer the same success as the Vegas Golden Knights. But moving the Coyotes? This matters, maybe as much as anything in the entirety of the ordeal.

Arizona isn’t great right now. In fact, the last time it hefted itself above 80 points was back in 2013-14, which if we’re being honest doesn’t classify them as “good” either. We’re being fair even labeling them as an entity at this point.

It’s been this way for a long time, too. The Coyotes are a constant barrage of bad news rolling down a rocky cliff. Unless of course, you get to play them that extra time or two a season.

Oh, you mean the Central — arguably the toughest division in hockey — will have itself a new feast? Well hello, shifting landscape.

Let’s refresh for a second how the playoff format works: The top three teams from each division make it in automatically, while everyone below throws food at each other hoping potatoes land in someone’s eye and they go blind.

If you think playing a hapless Arizona club an extra once or twice a year won’t make a difference, then you haven’t been paying attention. The wildcard as we know is now closer than ever. Last season alone saw the St. Louis Blues and Dallas Stars missed the postseason by a combined four points beneath the Colorado Avalanche.

Considering the Stars (92 points) were 3-0-0 against the Coyotes last year, how would two extra games have benefited them? Well, they could have potentially tied with the Kings, who finished at 98 points while going 2-2 vs. Arizona (had the Kings lost that fourth game not being played against the Coyotes, obviously). Dallas would have come out with the tiebreaker (head-to-head) and launched itself into the postseason.

This is speculation of course. A lot of what-ifs and “could-have-happened.” Except that soon enough it won’t be. Think the scenario of Dallas beating Arizona an additional two games is a stretch? Sure, other than the fact that the Stars are 13-3 against them in the last six seasons.

What’s more is this could eventually bring about talks of changing the postseason format altogether. Heck, that discussion comes about at least three or four times a year already. What if Seattle goes Vegas and isn’t the team the Pacific can stomp on to make a wild card? What if the Pacific never sends a wild card team to the playoffs ever again (that would be awesome).

There’s a scene in The Incredible Burt Wonderstone where a young version of the main character is running for his life and being chased across a row of houses by a group of boys bigger and older. They eventually catch him and force him to eat bark, though the kid offers up that he was going to eat bark anyway.

It seems fitting because that’s this scenario in a nutshell. In a few seasons, Arizona is still going to be eating bark. The only thing is that those teens won’t be from the Pacific anymore.

Want more regular season coverage? Check out our NHL hub at FanSided or on Twitter @FanSidedNHL! Questions or suggestions? Find me on Twitter @CL_Kohuss!