Ice Cold Takes is a humor column covering what is trending around the NHL. All proceeds from this column are hereby pledged to help get Snoop Dogg on a regular broadcast.
All proceeds from this column go to me, who will stan for Snoop Dogg to become a regular NHL broadcaster, so in a way, the above statement wasnāt a lie. His iconic voice should at least be on hand at every game in case a fight breaks out (More on Mr. Dogg later).
The Tampa Bay Lightning have won the Stanley Cup. Sure, itās only January, but is there really a point in even playing the rest of the season? The Lightning are so dominant that itāll take a miracle (or a certain columnās curse) to unseat them as the eventual Cup champions. We might as well just give them the trophy now.
Rick Nash has retired from the NHL. While the reasoning is scary and sad, itās still worth celebrating the career of an NHL great. The Brampton, Ontario native finishes his illustrious career with 437 goals, 368 assists and two Olympic gold medals. Itās only a matter of time before his jersey is up in the rafters in Columbus.
Trending Up
Snoop Dogg
Chances are youāve seen this clip already. Snoop Dogg went viral over the last week by guest commentating a game between the LA Kings and the Pittsburgh Penguins. This was everything.
The NHL was trying to make a series of social media videos with Snoop last season. In them, Snoop would explain hockey slang and terminology. It never really hit, but there was potential. This season, they found their gold mine.
If Snoop Dogg doesnāt guest-commentate for the NHL all-star game, we riot. In fact, Snoop should get to sit in on a game a week. You want to get the game to more people? Do this and make it an official thing we can look forward to. Every Sunday night, Snoop Dogg sits in on the broadcast. Snoop Sundays in the NHL. Make it happen, Bettman.
Filip Forsberg
Itās been a while since weāve heard from Mr. fancy goal guy Filip Forsberg but he made up for any and all lost time with this b-e-a-utiful between the legs goal on Sunday.
This is during a game. A regular season game against a professional NHL goaltender. I am personally offended by this because of how disgusting it is. Wow. Forsberg now has 18 goals and nine assists in 31 games. Heās on pace to have his most productive season yet and if they Predators make another legitimate playoff run, heāll be doing more of this.
Forsberg just came back from injury five games ago and he already has four goals and an assist since his return. Heās only going to get better in the back half of the season.
Fleury pranksĀ
Through podcasting and social media, itās never been easier to get an inside look at the lives of our favorite athletes. When it comes to athletes playing pranks, Marc-AndrĆ© Fleury will go down as one of the greatest.
Apparently the guy does this constantly. On a recent episode of the Spittinā Chiclets podcast, Fleury talks about how heās calmed down with the pranks. He then goes on to tell a story about how he snuck into a team PR members room, ordered an early wake up call then hid the phone, cranked the heat and rigged the toilet to never stop flushing (To listen, go to theĀ 45 minute mark). Incredible. Fleury is a Hall of Fame player and prankster.
Trending Down
PracticeĀ
Practice? We talkinā ābout practice?!
Practice is canceled! Was there ever a better feeling in sports than getting a day off? Winning, I guess, but getting that day off from practice almost always meant you and the teammates were getting together for drinks. Youād get that little party buzz feeling while you were floating around the locker room, giddy with excitement, firing up the squad, no longer worried about having to sweat out a hangover the next day. Good times. This video brought back some memories.
Fleury gets busted
More Fleury? Why not! Before getting pulled from Tuesday nightās Western Conference finals rematch against the Winnipeg Jets, Marc-AndrĆ© Fleury came up with a genius idea in an attempt to tip the scales ever so slightly in his favor. Every little thing counts.
Unfortunately for Fleury, the refs picked up on his little trick. The world is very wary of anyone trying to put up a wall these days and though they didnāt shut the game down, Fleury was given a warning from the refs about it.
To be a fly on the wall when an NHL ref had to skate over to a future hall-of-fame goaltender and tell him he couldnāt be making little snow walls in the crease during time outs. You canāt not love Marc-AndrĆ© Fleury.
An Egg
This has nothing to do with the NHL. Itās an egg. That being said, itās something that needs to be discussed.
Take if from someone who turned killing spare time into a full-on side-hustle blogging career. This is bad. This is bad for the person who wasted precious time making an egg Instagram account, bad for the now-famous egg (who has surely turned to drugs and debauchery), bad for the Jenner/Kardashian family and bad for us as a society.
āYay, an egg beat a Kardashian. Maybe the world isnāt so bad after all!ā What? Excuse me? This is a good thing? 45 million people liked a picture of an egg, which toppled Kylie Jennerās birth announcement post and became the worldās most liked picture. Weāre celebrating this? (Worth noting ā Kylie and Kendall are the two that are actually legitimately successful).
The CEO of the American Egg Board (the what?) said this week that she was āthrilled to see the egg get the recognition it deserves.ā The egg deserves 45+ million likes? Am I crazy for thinking this is already dumber than anything we did in 2018? Thereās nothing wrong with eggs, but couldnāt we all have liked something useful? A neat science tip or a child in need or something? This egg has 7.1 Million followers. The Salvation Army only has 38 thousand. We are so dumb.
The New York Times wrote about this egg. I couldnāt read their article because Iām not going through a paywall to read about an egg. Every, news outlet and pop culture blog on the internet wasted not only their own valuable time, but millions of readersā time as well. I am currently wasting both your time and my own explaining this to you. We didnāt beat a Kardashian or save the world, we proved weāre no smarter than the simple egg we all now love.
This is egg-xactly why our planet it dying (Yes, that whole rant was to set up an egg pun).
Bonus Coverage
Weāre officially over the half-way point of the NHL season, so letās check on our pre-season predictions:
- Tom Wilson will try to kill again (Check)
- The John Tavares signing will be considered a bust (Close ā It was Nylander who ended up being the bust)
- Brad Marchand will upset you (Check ā nightly)
- Gritty will do Gritty stuff (Check ā Tackled children, lassoed goaltenders with Christmas wreaths, fought fans, mansplained to Katie Nolan, etc.)
- The San Jose Sharks will look extremely good in the regular season (Check ā Out round one, bet on it)
- The Nashville Predators and Winnipeg Jets will fight to the death for the top seed (Separated by two points atop the Central Division ā Check)
- The Washington Capitals will have the worst Cup hangover of all time (Slightly off)
- The Arizona Coyotes will be media darlingsĀ (Well, you canāt win āem all)
Until next week, Keep your head up.