Premier League weekly awards: Are Tottenham in this stupid title race or not?

Liverpool’s title bid is teetering, Tottenham’s isn’t and Chelsea finally have a number 9. Let’s hand out some awards.

The title race is getting closer after Liverpool drew their second match in a row. Elsewhere, Tottenham keep on finding ways to win, Chelsea have a number 9 their manager trusts and Ashley Barnes is the Premier League’s angriest player. Let’s hand out some awards.

The Arsenal Award for Schrodinger’s Title Challenge: Tottenham

Tottenham have had a strange little season, flitting in and out of the title race on what at times feels like bi-weekly basis. After another hard-fought win, they now trail second-place Manchester City by only two points. And if City are in the title race, and Spurs are only two points behind them, then, well, you can figure out the rest. Even so, it feels like Mauricio Pochettino’s side have been largely dismissed, with City and Liverpool assumed to be the only sides with a legitimate shot at the title. Perhaps that’s because Spurs’ only route to three points these days seems to be last-minute winners against lower-mid-table opposition. Or perhaps the memory of their last sojourn into the title race, which lasted all of two days over the holiday period, is still too fresh in the memory. And yet there they are, in third place, five points off top spot, in and out of the title race at the very same time.

The Peter Drury Award for Metaphors: The Goodison Park Cat

Everton were having a very normal Saturday on, um, Saturday at home against Wolves, getting outplayed, driving their fans deeper and deeper into despair, hurling the ball into their own net from every opposition set-piece they could get their hands on, etc., when onto the pitch strolled a black cat. As far as metaphors go, this was suspiciously on the nose. “Catastrophe” was the NBC commentator’s take on the matter, which, well, hmm, commentator’s have said better things. Not that it was exactly wrong. The Toffees are teetering, as Marco “Everton’s answer to Mauricio Pochettino” Silva struggles to find solutions to problems such as “all of my defenders are bad” and “the last time this happened to me I told my employers I wanted to manage Everton and then the problem went away, but now I manage Everton, so what do I say now?”

The Mike Ashley Award for Angry Angry Ashleys: Ashley Barnes

For Burnley, perched as they are so narrowly above the relegation zone, home games are important, especially so when those home games come against fellow relegation battlers. Perhaps that explains Ashley Barnes’ reaction to receiving a yellow card for diving instead of (what should have been) a penalty against Southampton on Saturday. Everyone’s favorite Austrian U20 international began his campaign for justice with an enthusiastic “f**k off” in the direction of the linesman, before pressing his hands together in prayer in an effort to plead with the very same linesman to change his mind. A tried and true one-two punch if ever there was one.

The Alvaro Morata Award for Fast Starts To Chelsea Careers: Gonzalo Higuain

Not unlike Tottenham, Chelsea have spent much of this season fluctuating wildly from one end of the narrative spectrum to the other. After last week’s 4-0 loss to Bournemouth, Maurizio Sarri was seemingly on the verge of the sack. A 5-0 home win against last-place Huddersfield, however, has got the club “back on track.” Perhaps even more welcome than the three points was the performance of Gonzalo Higuain, apparently the one and only number 9 in the entire world Sarri is willing to start ahead of Eden Hazard. Higuain’s combination play around the box was frequently very bad, but in the box he was frequently very good. Much, indeed, as he has been his entire career. Decline, me-shmine?

The Pippo Inzaghi Memorial Award for Being Offside: James Milner

Liverpool remain top of the league with 13 matches remaining, not that you’d know it based on their performance against West Ham on Monday, as lifeless a display as the Reds have produced all season. Still, if you must play really badly you may as well get away with the most egregiously offside goal of the season so far in the process. Sadio Mane’s turn and finish was excellent; the linesman’s decision not to flag James Milner for offside a moment earlier, not so much. Being a linesman is hard, of course. But also, you know, is it that hard?