Rocky IV has one of the most absurd sports movie endings of all time

In 1985, the United States and the Soviet Union hated each other with a blinding rage. Then, a crappy boxer from Philly solved all the world’s problems.

In Rocky IV, the final scene has Ivan Drago and Rocky Balboa boxing for world bragging rights in Moscow. Somehow, despite the Soviet Union and the United States being on the brink of nuclear war for 25 years, Balboa has the Russian crowd cheering for him.

Of course, the dope from Philadelphia wins. Somehow still standing and coherent after taking approximately 258 haymakers to the cranium without once attempting to defend himself, a victorious Rocky speaks to the crowd, which somehow is now supporting this battered, likely-concussed disaster in full throat.

“I came here tonight, and I didn’t know what to expect. I seen a lot of people hate me and I didn’t know what to feel about that so I guess they didn’t like much none either. During this fight, I’ve seen a lot of changing. The way you felt about me, and in the way I felt about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that’s better than 20 million.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!”

Read that hatchet job of a quote. What the hell just happened? Also, 20 million? The United States alone had 235.8 million citizens when this train wreck was released in 1985. If the Soviets decided to go postal and drop the bomb, more than 20 million people were paying the ultimate price. And, if that happened, the USSR would have been a wasteland as well, so nice math, Balboa. Clown.

The lasting message is that a guy who was ‘roided to the teeth defeated another guy ‘roided to the teeth, and somehow solved the Cold War. Apparently, there was no more concern about communism, which Rocky didn’t defeat. It is to be assumed that Ronald and Nancy Reagan went to Camp David and knocked back some Rolling Rock, knowing that Mikhail Gorbachev had seen the light.

In any movie, there are always going to be stretches of the truth and some outlandish plots. Of course, in this case, Sylvester Stallone is trying to continue milking the Rocky cow for everything it’s worth, taking what was once a respectable trilogy and soiling it with this nonsense. In fact, the fourth one is so bad, the first three should see all the copies in existence rounded up and burned just to let Stallone know what he did.

For those reading this in anger, we both know that movie was crap. You can defend it as a classic, or even part of a classic series, but it was a dumpster fire.

A normal, solid ending was right there as easy money. The dope from Philadelphia goes into Moscow and kicks some ass in front of a hostile, angry crowd. He comes back to the States for a hero’s welcome, Drago is vanquished, and the Soviets stew in disgrace.

Instead, we have Rocky Balboa, after being beaten to within an inch of his life, trying to solve a war that nobody could squash for 25 years. Garbage.