How to make the most of watching the Players Championship

The fifth major kicks off this Thursday at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. The fan favorite event features a star-studded field and, with the iconic island green waiting at the 17th, more drama than the season finale of the Bachelor. Here are four tips for maximizing the Players Championship experience from your couch.

1. Bet the over on water balls at the 17th hole. This isn’t financial advice. I have no insight on how many golfers will miss the island green, and as a Chicagoan, I’ve had it up to my earmuffs with stories about the brutal March temperatures terrorizing the Sunshine State. However, I’ve seen enough Players Championship coverage on TV to know that we’re going to watch a lot of anonymous players who aren’t in contention as they tee it up at the famous par 3. If the Golf Channel production team insists on cutting away from the featured group to show you Talor Gooch, at +3, taking a pitching wedge into the 17th, you may as well manufacture a reason to invest in the outcome. So bet the over, and take joy in the players’ misery.

2. Set your expectations as low as possible for Tiger Woods’ performance. I’m planning for Tiger to withdraw on Thursday morning. If memory serves, Tiger hasn’t bounced back from nagging injuries all that quickly in recent years. Rather than mail him my heating pad, I’ll just cool my jets. This way, if he plays, I’m already a winner. If he contends, that’s just gravy. There’s no shortage of talent and star power in the field, so even if Tiger is a bust, we’re in for a treat.

3. Pray for Jordan Spieth. I’m not a big Spieth fan, but even I think it’s cruel to pair him with Brooks Koepka and Rickie Fowler. Spieth, who’s dropped to No. 25 in the world ranking and 182nd in the FedEx Cup standings, would probably prefer to keep his struggles out of the spotlight. What better place to hide from the golf world’s collective scrutiny than alongside two of America’s brightest stars? Not to mention two guys playing great golf, both with victories this season and a flair for big moments. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but good luck out there, Jordan. You have my sympathy.

4. Set your DVR. Not only is this a good idea in case the tournament goes to extra holes, but considering the St. Patrick’s Day finish you’ll want a backup plan ready should you find yourself whisked to a parade or unable to stay awake into the afternoon.

Toss on your green jacket, pour yourself a John Daly, root for Shane Lowry and enjoy the PGA Tour’s premier event.