Ice Cold Takes: Bruins beat the Leafs (2019), the Hurricanes are America’s team

Ice Cold Takes is a weekly humor column focused on what is trending around the NHL. We’re officially in round 2 of the most predictable NHL playoffs of all time.

Have you ever thrown on a movie and about 15 minutes in thought to yourself “Hmm, I think I’ve seen this before…” It’s happened to me a couple of times, most recently with The Drop on Netflix (James Gandolfini, Tom Hardy). The movie is great, but for some reason, it doesn’t register for a while that you’ve seen the narrative play out before. Kind of like every April, when the Toronto Maple Leafs lose to the Boston Bruins in game 7 of the NHL Playoffs.

“This year is different,” said the droves of Leafs fans who showed up to the Maple Leaf square tailgate, the area outside the arena where all the non-millionaires can afford to watch the game on a giant outdoor television. With excited looks on their faces and “Tavares” stitched across the backs of their jerseys, they believed this was the year the Leafs would slay their demons, the Big Bad Bruins.

Unfortunately for the Leafs, this series was the only predictable part of round 1 of the NHL playoffs. Every other team you didn’t pick moved on to the second round. All four Wild Card teams defeated all four division winners and the playoffs are officially as off the rails as this column.

Trending Up

The Carolina Hurricanes 

When the Blue Jackets beat the Tampa Bay Lightning two months ago their only problem was finishing off the President’s Trophy champions too quickly. Columbus was everyone’s “second team,” the team you watch and cheer for because of the story. Then everyone forgot they were in the playoffs until their game 1 loss to the Bruins on Thursday.

During that time, hockey fans were eyeing the Carolina Hurricanes. The ‘Canes slowly filled our news feeds, crept into our hockey minds and stole the headspace reserved for the Blue Jackets. Next thing you know, we were all up watching two overtime periods and cheering when they knocked off the defending Cup champions. It’s not like Washington wasn’t handed every opportunity to win that game, either. This play was not called a penalty. This play. Right here.

Boom! Suck it, Mrazek! Who even does this to a goalie? And why? This guy cruising through the crease in OT, thinking “Hmm, maybe I’ll just blow up the goalie.” Wild. In the end, the ‘Canes won and we all hate the Blue Jackets and love the Hurricanes now. You’re so two-thousand-and-late, Blue Jackets.

Colorado Avalanche vs. San Jose Sharks

Let’s be honest. This is easily the most compelling series in round 2, right? Colorado’s big guns taking on the very-good-but-very-questionable San Jose defense. Jumbo Joe on his (probably) final quest for the Cup. Martin Jones going from horrible to amazing on a whim. The storylines between these two should dominate the NHL newsreel for the next two weeks. Here’s a series preview:

Going back to my earlier point about movies I’ve seen and forgotten about. Sadly, Avalanche Sharks is one of them. Please, don’t ask… because I won’t spoil it for you. Go watch the movie for yourself, it’s incredible.

Carolina Hurricanes Twitter

We’re a little heavy on the ‘Canes love today but this tweet is just so perfect.

Trending down

Maple Leafs fans

While the Drake curse is sure to take some of the blame for the loss, the Bieber curse may have also played a factor in game 7. The Biebs attended Game 7 in Boston after posting a Maple Leafs logo on his Instagram account and asking the Lord to be with Auston Matthews, Mitch Marner and the rest of the Leafs during the game. Unfortunately for Justin and the Leafs, J.C. is usually pretty busy around Easter time.

After blaming Gardiner, Babcock, Kadri and various celebrity fans, the hot takes take a nose dive. The following tweets range anywhere from angry to stupid to downright idiotic (looking at you, Damien).

https://twitter.com/BenGoldenthal/status/1121132150575624193

Anyway. I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing about the Leafs so let’s just end this by telling them to be better and stop threatening Jake DeBrusk’s family. If you’re an American reading this, thinking “Aren’t all Canadians nice and friendly?” then you don’t know Toronto. Terrible city. Bad fans. Next.

Vegas Knights penalty kill

What? Did you think this would be about the atrocious cross-checking call against the Vegas Golden Knights in their game 7 with the San Jose Sharks? Did you think we would have sympathy for this team? This fan base who has never been tested, never seen a season without a Stanley Cup final? Not a chance, Vegas.

Calling a five-minute major on that play was terrible, but your penalty kill can’t fold like a  cheap suit and let in FOUR goals. Vegas players, coaches and fans are still upset about this. Welcome to the NHL, guys! Last season was fun, but this is what being a real hockey fan feels like. You aren’t a true fan until you have your heart-broken by something ridiculous, stupid and completely avoidable!

You’ll be alright, Vegas. The Knights are still a pretty good-looking team and could easily make another run next year. Just make sure someone is keeping a close eye on what Nate Schmidt puts in his protein shakes.

Keep your head up.