Ice Cold Takes: NHL conference finals are set and we have a playoff villain

Ice Cold Takes is a weekly NHL humor column. And it’s probably the only column outside of Boston that is going to say a bunch of good things about Brad Marchand.

That header just alienated 75 percent of the readers so if you’re still reading this, Go Bruins, right?

The NHL’s conference final matchups are set. It’s the big bad Bruins vs. the “bunch of jerks” in the East and the ultra-talented Sharks playing the unbelievable last-place-in-the-league Blues in the West. Definitely not the four teams we all thought, but easily the most fun outcome.

The NHL might be upset about their big-market teams losing early in the playoffs, but in the long run the new fans tuning in this year will far surpass any other playoff season. Even with three of the four Wild Card teams out, everyone loves the Blues, Hurricanes and Sharks. Fans who don’t care for these three have united to cheer against the Bruins.

The Boston hate is real. Toronto is still mentally broken from their first-round loss, “Cuplumbus” isn’t happy with the greatest post-season in franchise history (making the second round was basically your Cup!) and people are already calling the Bruins the “bunch of actual jerks.” The actual jerks began their series with the bunch of jerks on Thursday night in what is being dubbed the NHL jerk-off … Wait … No, let’s not call it that.

Trending Up

NFL Players watching hockey games

NFL players chugging beers at NHL playoff games has become somewhat of a tradition. No need for creativity, props, set-ups, just put a camera on these big boys and they’ll start crushing beers like, well, exactly like you’d expect a group of linemen to crush beers.

Brad Marchand 

“This guy is going to talk about Marchand again?” You’re damn right I am. I’m stubborn and I won’t let it go until you do. The NHL media has been all over Marchand this week regardless of how he has behaved. When Marchand breathes, the media attacks him.

I’m not saying some of the attention isn’t warranted. It’s understandable to dislike a guy who plays with an edge and is actively being a pest to get himself going in the playoffs. Most recently, though, certain media members have been harping on him for giving hilarious one-word answers to stupid questions from reporters. He’s literally doing it with a smirk on his face, but people are upset. The Sportsnet panel was the hardest on him, with Kelly Hrudy going on some nonsense, incoherent rant about Brad. Somewhere in there, he called Marchand a precious little angel. In response, the Bruins did what Marchand does best — troll.

So handsome. The Bruins are the bad guys in these NHL playoffs and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Keep it coming, crispy media members, Boston feeds off of the hate!

Who wore it best?

A Dallas Stars fan seated behind the team bench went viral on Sunday for her choice to leave the jersey at home and dress a little more fashionably. St. Louis fans weren’t going to be shown up and one followed suit, literally, by wearing the exact same outfit. See if you can spot the difference between the two:

Sorry St. Louis, we have to give the edge to Dallas on this one. Something about the St. Louis fan does seem a little more natural, though.

Trending Down

The Bruins 

For no other reason than everyone hating them. The team itself is obviously trending up but the hate across the league wasn’t helped by Wednesday’s game when a certain villain showed up South of the wall to watch his favorite team play.

https://twitter.com/coxcourtney/status/1126675582337671173/video/1

When it comes to Boston leaning into the villain role, this definitely plays. Unless Sebastian Aho is actually Arya Stark using his face, the Hurricanes are going to have a difficult time stopping the Bruins now.

Brock Nelson 

Dougie Hamilton has been taking a lot of heat in these NHL playoffs. He pulled up on Alexander Ovechkin on a play he likely thought was going to be blown down as an icing but ended up in the back of his own net, he’s been on the receiving end of some big hits and he gets trashed for being Dougie Hamilton, for some reason. In the end, Dougie got the last laugh.

In Game 3 of their series with the Islanders, Brock Nelson gave goaltender Curtis McElhinney a pat on the helmet after Josh Bailey scored a goal to make it 2-2. Yes, Nelson thought it might be a good idea to taunt a goaltender. In a tie game. Of a series in which they were down two games to none. What were you thinking, buddy? Hamilton let him know the exchange wasn’t forgotten in the perhaps greatest handshake line move of all time:

https://twitter.com/NHLCanes/status/1124490902414811136

And just like that, the world loves Dougie Hamilton again. Enjoy spending your summer in a body bag, Nelson!

Every fan who isn’t french fry guy

If you don’t have a fry guy, you aren’t winning the Stanley Cup. This San Jose Sharks fan is absolutely loving life with the Sharks in the Western Conference Finals. Who needs french fries when you have a chance to go viral as a hero/psychopath?

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bws4njOBejR/

I love french fry guy. He’s clearly extremely excited and when he’s asked to make some noise, he does the most logical thing that comes to mind — make it rain french fries. Look at the intensity in his eyes: this isn’t his first time throwing overpriced food in front of a camera. PSA to every other team: Gronk-spike your hot dog next time you make it onto the Jumbotron. Pour a drink over your head while staring directly into the camera. Suck on a chicken tender like it’s a lollipop.

Hopefully french fry guy has Western Conference Final tickets because we’re all excited to see what he does next (Okay, maybe only I am).

Keep your head up!