Ice Cold Takes: (Sort of) Live coverage from the Stanley Cup Final

Ice Cold Takes is a weekly NHL humor column. This week, we take a trip to Boston to bring top-notch Stanley Cup Final coverage.

As you read this, I’m stepping off a plane in Boston. Ready to cheer on the home town Bruins in the biggest game in sports: Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final.

The stage is set and the two teams could not hate each other any more. The Blues have the ultimate comeback story. The Bruins have experience, leadership and a captain to run through walls for. The last game of the 2018/19 NHL season is sure to be a great one.

Here’s a hype video to prepare you for the big game.

Get it? A Bruin playing the Blues?

Trending Up: Boston Bruins

Game 6 could not have gone better for the Boston Bruins. They went into St. Louis, crushed the Blues, exposed Jordan Binnington for being the fraud that he is and left the game with an icing-on-the-cake goal from Big Z, playing through the pain of a broken jaw like the insane beast of an athlete he is. Now it all comes down to winning one game at home. There are countless reasons the Bruins made it to this point but none more important than this:

Tuukka Rask is not human.

One game. At Home. Stanley Cup in the building. The Bruins have the experience and the personnel to get the job done in game 7. They’ve won a series after being down 3-2. The core of this team has won a game 7 for the Stanley Cup. They can do this if they play the way they did on Sunday. This game means everything. Let’s f*****g go.

(But seriously. I’ll be in a black Cam Neely jersey, probably looking drunk and/or nervous. If you find me, I’ll give you $20 and a hug)

Trending down: St. Louis Blues

The Blues celebrated a little prematurely and now they are left slightly embarrassed. It’s okay, St. Louis! There’s no shame in being a little too quick on the trigger. Especially if it’s your first time and you get a bit over-excited.

St. Louis Blues fans are hoping to be forgiven by the hockey Gods after a local newspaper, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, previewed Stanley Cup champion ads a game too soon. The Blues could very well go into Boston and make good on these newspaper ads, but cities that celebrate early don’t often get what they want. Especially against Boston-area sports teams.

“Winning the Stanley Cup was a dream come true for so many of you. All of us will remember where we were, what we did and how we felt when the Blues brought the Cup home.” Read one of the pages. “We look forward to celebrating with you as we parade the Cup down Market Street.”

Yikes. That is a bad look, St. Louis. Here are all three of the leaked ads:

Enterprise has your cup holders covered? Really? When I rent a car, I’m assuming the cup holders will be covered. I don’t want someone else’s garbage in my rental. The cup holders should be empty. Zero Cups. Just like St. Louis had when their local paper posted these ads.

Obviously, newspapers need to have these types of pages prepared in advance, but what an unfortunate leak for St. Louis and the Blues faithful. This is what happens when a city thinks they have a championship locked up. Cue every sports cliche of all time. This one isn’t over. Game 7 will be played on Wednesday and it is not going to be easy for either team.

This was posted early Sunday afternoon. On Sunday evening, the Blues were handled by the Bruins in game 6, losing by a score of 5-1. Guess who everyone blamed? Not the players. Not Binnington, who let in a few very soft goals. They blamed the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. (And Jon Hamm, who took some heat for shaving his playoff beard – who does this? ) The Blues now have to travel to Boston to take on a very experienced, very fired-up Bruins team at home – a Bruins team no longer in need of bulletin board material.

Don’t expect to see this kind of nonsense coming from the Boston newspapers. A city with such a storied recent history knows that it takes a lot to win in professional sports. And that it isn’t over until the clock hits 0.0. If the Blues don’t get this done on Wednesday, there’s going to be some empty space in Thursday’s paper.

Next time you think you might be celebrating a bit prematurely, just think about baseball.

Bonus: Stanley Cup Betting

Here is your surefire Stanley Cup betting tip: Don’t. Don’t do it. Do not throw your money away on game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final. There’s no telling what will happen in this game. Analytics, stats, previous games, trends, etc. None of these things matter in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final. Here are a few things you can bet on:

Craig Berube’s team will be “physical” (Read: dirty)

Emphasis on “physical” because when Berube uses the word, he actually means dirty. The Bruins are still taking heat from Toronto’s locally driven hockey media and maybe a few others about being the “dirty team” in the Cup Final. Meanwhile, the St. Louis Blues have become the only team in NHL HISTORY to be given two suspensions in the Stanley Cup Final series.

Berube told media after game 6 that he wanted his players to be a little more physical but thinks they may have held back in fear of getting suspended. “Dirty,” Craig. The word you are looking for is “dirty.” You wanted your players to play more dirty but because your guys are getting suspended left and right for trying to decapitate players, they can’t be. Even though they are still trying. Thank God they are smarter than you are.

The hockey season will end 

That’s right. As is tradition, the NHL season ends after game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final. The world doesn’t, though, so regardless of which team you are cheering for, keep in mind that life goes on after this hockey game ends. Life as a Stanley Cup champion is just happens to be far better.

Stuff will be put into the Stanley Cup

Thankfully, the baby went in before all of the other questionable stuff.

Follow me on Twitter for live, unfiltered coverage of the Stanley Cup Final (if I remain sober enough to remember to provide it).

Keep your head up.

(Huge thank you to Aunt Marlene and Uncle Denis for making this happen)