Fansided

Every NBA team’s arch-nemesis

By Paul Centopani

JUNE 2, 1985: The Lakers Michael Cooper, center, pushes the Celtics Ray Williams away from Kurt Rambis, second from right, after Williams and Rambis crashed into the seats along the sideline during Game 3 of the 1985 NBA Finals. The Lakers won, 136-111, to take a 2-1 lead in the series. 6/2/85 (Photo by Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)
JUNE 2, 1985: The Lakers Michael Cooper, center, pushes the Celtics Ray Williams away from Kurt Rambis, second from right, after Williams and Rambis crashed into the seats along the sideline during Game 3 of the 1985 NBA Finals. The Lakers won, 136-111, to take a 2-1 lead in the series. 6/2/85 (Photo by Los Angeles Times via Getty Images) /
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Rockets
(Photo by Bill Baptist/NBAE via Getty Images) /

Rockets: Treating the NBA like the Matrix

Daryl Morey and the Rockets form the poster child for the NBA’s analytical revolution. In their strategic pioneering, they removed inefficiencies and mathematically enhanced all aspects of the way they play. The rest of the league took note and caught up with their style.

But basketball isn’t a streaming series of binary code. The Houston algorithm falls short by removing the human element from their equations. Art goes into team construction just as much as science. Personalities, emotions, and chemistry are equally (if not more) important as effective field goal percentages and shot chart heat maps.

Mavericks: Throwing money at problems

Dallas, after basking in the glory of winning the 2011 title, got cocky. They eschewed championship continuity to chase bigger, more expensive fish. But the dream free-agent bastion it was not. The failed venture resulted in an ill-suited roster and cost Dirk Nowitzki the backend of his prime years.

It’s almost a decade since and they finally seem to be headed back toward contending through building within. To continue, they’ll have to resist the temptation of getting tied down with questionable contracts, even if it feels like a good idea at the time.

Spurs: The inescapable march of time

With the last of San Antonio’s cornerstones finally riding into the sunset, only Gregg Popovich remains as a tether to their gilded past. The composition of amassing late-round draft steals from possibly made-up places, churning out winning seasons and making the playoffs like clockwork will eventually end as all things do.

I like to think by the time he decides to retire, robotics and artificial intelligence will be advanced enough to recreate Coach Pop in the surliest of machine forms. Everything will carry on as usual and Mecha Pop will spend the rest of time doling out pithy answers to sideline reporters’ banal questions.

Pelicans: Signing all the centers

To be honest, New Orleans’ worst enemy has been themselves. Since transforming from Hornets to Pelicans in 2013, they mucked up their cap sheet and marooned Anthony Davis on an island of misfit centers.

Davis finally wanted out and got his wish about a week ago. Now he’s gone Hollywood and is starring in Space Jam 2 with LeBron James. Come on, New Orleans, even Tony Montana was rooting for the Pelicans and THOSE WERE CLEARLY FLAMINGOS.

Grizzlies: Holding on too long

Memphis had one of the best cult teams of the century with Grit-n-Grind. So it’s understandable the front office waited as long as they did. The biggest stars of the beloved era were the last two holdovers. Marc Gasol just won a title with Toronto and Mike Conley just got traded to Utah. The total returns from the deals came up shorter than they would have if management moved more prudently.

However, they faced the conundrum of alienating its fans if they cut the cord too soon. Knowing when to let go is such a difficult balance to strike that few teams ever do it right.

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