Move over Pac-12 After Dark, say hello to Pac-12 After Breakfast
Larry Scott wants you to wake up early to watch a game you already can’t watch. Move over Pac-12 After Dark and say hello to Pac-12 after breakfast.
In October 1995, Jerry Seinfeld went across the hall to ask his eccentric neighbor Cosmo Kramer to set a mental alarm for 6:30 a.m. In 2019, Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott might want you to do the same thing.
The often-maligned, under-performing and hoping-to-hang-on power-five conference could soon be playing morning football if Scott has his way. The conference wants their chance to play in the same time slot as the SEC, Big Ten, ACC and others.
At Pac-12 Media Day, which in it of itself proves lesser than the other conferences — SEC, Big Ten and ACC all have media days (not singular), commissioner Larry Scott mentioned the idea of playing early morning games on the west coast.
This is a twist of fate crueler than when Principal Skinner made Bart Simpson wake up at 4 a.m. to look through a telescope as a result of America’s favorite 90s prankster turning the likeness of the former’s backside into a weather balloon.
Yes, that’s right folks. You soon could be having kegs and eggs like your friends in the Big Ten if the Pac-12 is going to start stampeding its product at breakfast.
Literally no one:
Larry Scott: How about Pac-12 after breakfast?
Big corporations are doing the latter of this trend, serving breakfast all day, but instead, Scott is bringing his overcooked hamburgers and stale fries to the breakfast menu possibly as soon as this year.
Perhaps Scott feels as if by not having morning games there’s a big chunk of the schedule he’s losing out having his product on. It’s a valid concern, but the schools playing in that slot are also not in the Pacific Time Zone.
In case anyone needs a lesson in time zones, if it’s9 a.m. in the pacific time zone, it’s 11 in the central time zone and noon out east. A product that’s been barely watchable at best is suddenly going to become even less and the number of kids baking in the Tempe sun will be on the rise.
Oh, and let’s not even forget the fact that a large chunk of people can’t even watch the Pac-12 in the first place! Yes, what has seemingly lasted longer than the Cold War, the Pac-12 still does not have a deal for their own network to be on DirecTV.
In theory, the Pac-12’s plan might work here if people could actually watch the games on the network but until they can, it’s probably best to just hit the snooze on that mental alarm.
Who suffers most?
Besides the fans waking up at 6 a.m. to tailgate and feign excitement in Tucson over a big Arizona showdown with Oregon State, how about those college kids having to bring that energy in the student section first thing in the morning.
If Thanos was inevitable, so is Kyle from SAE puking over the railing from the rager the night before. There’s no time to sleep off that hangover. It’s puke and rally time. After all, it’s third down and a listless Cal offense needs 17 yards for a first down.
Who stands to gain the most?
Well, the Pac-12 if their grand scheme works here. However, there are more obstacles here than The Amazing Race. Like many things, the Pac-12 has had some bad ideas over the years — such as putting the conference championship game on a Friday night … in Santa Clara. The conference is just now rectifying that decision. However, if Scott is right and getting in that morning time slot puts more eyes on the product from a national perspective, then ratings go up and he is proved ultimately right.
Oh! and let’s not forget 24-hour McDonald’s, Denny’s, IHOP and Waffle House. Those breakfast chains are going to have lines out the door as poor college kids attempt to sober up before being shoveled in some dingy corner of the stadium called a “student section.”
“We’re almost up to 80 degrees!”
In the end, Jerry’s plan to wake up early failed because Kramer’s hot tub heat pump blew all the fuses in the apartment building. Which is ironic, because Scott’s plan for morning football is one big heat pump waiting to blow all the fuses with whatever credibility the conference has left at this point.
The only thing that is going to be on the rise this year is temperatures inside stadiums in September if the Pac-12 is playing after dawn. Viewership might rise on bigger networks like FOX, but the Pac-12 Network itself remains something a good chunk of football fans can’t watch.
“The conference of champions” is going on close to two decades without a national champion and their ideas have been vapid. So if puking kids, sluggish football and nine-win conference champions are your thing, come on over to the West Coast!