Hannah’s parents chose a side in part one of The Bachelorette finale

Part one of the two-part Bachelorette finale aired on Monday and it went about as expected. Part two is going to be very intense.

Part one of the two-part Bachelorette finale picked up exactly where we left off, the final three rose ceremony in Greece. Hannah chose Jed and Tyler, sending our beloved Pilot Pete home. It was easily the most gut-wrenching elimination of the season and the one we were dreading since the first time they hung out.

This finale, more than any other finale, is going to be tough to watch. I think, at this point, we’ve all heard the stories and rumors. If you haven’t, skip this paragraph, but yeah… Imagine watching the first half of Frozen knowing full well that Hans was a back-stabbing bastard the whole time.

Pete will be just fine. He has an outside shot at becoming the next Bachelor and if not, he’ll be getting a little extra attention in all of the cities he gets to visit as a pilot. Especially after Hannah doubled down on the windmill talk, letting us know it was actually four times, not two.

“Somewhere Luke P.’s head just exploded” – Chris Harrison, with the line of the evening after Hannah admitted to her quadruple-header with Pete.

This is a crazy and very improbable thought, but what if Hannah ends up with Pete in the end? Let’s just say he really milked the sadness during his exit interview with Chris Harrison to add dramatic effect. Imagine Pete stayed in love with Hannah and got back together with her after the final rose?

If you haven’t read any of the spoilers, you are completely lost. Here, catch up on what may or may not be going on. No one knows exactly what is going to happen in part two of The Bachelorette finale, but Miss Gabby Joy on Twitter pointed out something very interesting:

Tyler was the first of the final two to meet Hannah’s family and everything about it went perfectly. Hannah’s dad and Tyler are going to be friends regardless of how this ends and Hannah’s mom seemed really excited for Tyler to propose. Hannah was glowing the whole time and everything about the day was perfect. The only downside for Tyler was that he had to ride a horse for the second time — literally the only thing on Earth he isn’t good at.

Jed’s visit was far more interesting. It went about as expected, given the circumstances. What did Hannah expect, bringing an unemployed musician home to meet her parents? It certainly didn’t help that Hannah’s mom announced her love for Tyler before Jed even showed up.

The biggest difference for Hannah’s dad was relating to the best interest of his daughter. Tyler has a job, Jed doesn’t. People love Tyler, people don’t love Jed. Jed said his plan was to make as much money as he can (like everyone, ever) through “many facets” and he stamped that check by telling Hannah’s dad he signed a deal writing jingles.

Okay. Jed told Hannah’s dad that he’s most proud of the dog food jingle he wrote. I’m sorry. There are parts of this episode that seem like a sick joke on all of us. This is like that fake reality show that used to air on Spike TV where everyone was in on it but one person, except this time, it’s us who are in the dark.

Imagine being Hannah’s parents and meeting Tyler: Respectful, amazing, incredible to Hannah, can support a family, hasn’t done or said anything shady ever. Then meeting Jed: Proud of his dog food jingle, can’t really string a sentence together that isn’t about music.

I just don’t get it. There has to be something we’re missing. Off-camera Jed must be perfect. He must be like Tyler.

Someone found Jed’s dog jingle. After hearing this, I’ve changed my mind. Jed is perfect. Please add this song to Apple Music, I’d like to play it at parties, on long road trips and for my dogs. Thank you Kristen Baldwin for digging this up.

Tyler and Hannah had a perfect date after meeting her parents. Tyler got over his fear of horses and they fell in love with each other even more. On Jed’s date, Hannah got seasick and he didn’t even hold her hair.

Perhaps Hannah getting sick on the boat was a “God in the shower” moment that she misread. This guy literally makes you sick, Hannah! I love Hannah, but she’s fighting against the tides here in defending Jed over Tyler. That doesn’t matter, though, because if there’s one thing Hannah is good at, it’s (eventually) putting people in their place.

Part 2 of The Bachelorette finale airs Tuesday night at 8:00 p.m. ET on ABC.